The Real Fight
by KJaneway115
Summary: Chakotay must go on a journey in order to purge himself of insanity once and for all. Meanwhile, Janeway must discover how far she is willing to go to save her first officer.  Immediately follows The Fight. Slightly edited epilogue 2/12, no other changes
1. Prologue

THE REAL FIGHT

_"It all comes down to the heart. Do you have the heart for this? That's the contest. It's not against him. It's against your own natural human desire not to get hurt. That's the real fight."_

_- Boothby_

"I'm afraid the source of the trouble may be a little... deeper," said the Doctor.

Janeway crossed over to the biobed to stand above her first officer. "A family curse," he said.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Chakotay has the genetic marker for a cognitive disorder: sensory tremens," the Doctor explained. "The primary symptoms are visual and auditory hallucinations." This was the last thing Janeway had expected to hear, and knew that her face betrayed the shock she felt.

"My family doctor suppressed the gene before I was even born," said Chakotay, "so I never had to go through what the others did, like my grandfather."

"For some reason the gene has been switched on," the Doctor continued. "I'm not saying for certain that's why Chakotay thought he was getting ready for a prize fight but it's a good bet. The holodeck boxing situation was fresh in his memory. A few misfiring neurons did the rest."

She looked down at her first officer, concerned, and then looked back at the Doctor. "This chaotic space we've entered; could it be stimulating the gene?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Possibly. The only way to make certain would be to get the ship out of here. In the meantime, the Commander will have to stay in sickbay." Considering his duties discharged, the Doctor walked away, leaving the command team alone.

Janeway leaned down, bringing her face closer to Chakotay's. "Tuvok tells me you've got a mean left jab," she said with a smile.

Chakotay laughed. "Never spar with a Vulcan." He sat up on the bed, and Kathryn crossed to his side.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

Chakotay let out a small sigh and replied, "I'm alright."

The Captain studied him for a moment. He was maintaining a surprisingly good sense of humor, but she wasn't fooled for a second. She reached up, putting her hand on her shoulder, caressing his arm.

Chakotay spoke. "When I was a boy, my grandfather started seeing things nobody else could see, hearing what nobody else could hear. He refused treatment. A couple of hyposprays a day, that's all he would've needed, but he was stubborn. He said his spirit was in pain but that the wound must be honored." He looked at her, knowing that she could see how much this pained him. He shrugged it off, and said lightly, "Crazy old man."

...

He felt her hand on his foot, and then her fingers over his. He put his other hand on top of hers. "I realize you're frightened," she said, "but you're our only hope out of this place." She placed her hand on his chest; this was always her special gesture, reserved only for him. "You think this could risk your sanity, but your sanity won't do you any good if we remain in chaotic space. I need you to keep trying, Chakotay." She caressed his chest gently. "Will you keep trying?" He looked deep into her eyes. Whatever you ask, he thought, and he nodded. She brought her hand up to touch his cheek before turning and leaving the room. He watched her go, ready to go back into hell for her.

...

Chakotay leapt out of the biobed. "Now do you believe me? They're the ones who scheduled the fight. They're promoting it. They're putting up the purse."

Kathryn Janeway used all of her self control not to allow him to see on her face how he appeared in that moment. He was out of control; she tried not to let him known how hard it was for her to see him like this. She walked over to him, her face only a few inches from his.

"His sensory cortex is hyperactive," the Doctor informed her. "He's still hallucinating."

"It's not an hallucination, not a vision quest," Chakotay said wildly. "It's a prize fight."

Kathryn took him by the arms, trying to force him to look at her. "Chakotay, do you know me? Do you know where you are?"

Chakotay took her elbows in his hands. "I know you, Captain." This relieved her, but then he turned to the Doctor, accusingly. "But you stopped the fight. You ruined my career. Nobody's going to put me on the card after this."

"It's better to rest, Chakotay," the Captain said softly, "until we figure out why this is happening to you." She backed him up onto the biobed, forcing him to sit down.

"They want to contact me," Chakotay said desperately.

"Who does?" she asked, still holding his arms.

"The people who live here!"

"This will sedate him," the Doctor said calmly, approaching with a hypospray, but Janeway's hand waved him away.

"Wait a minute," she said to the Doctor before turning her attention back to her first officer, placing her hand on his chest. "You believe somebody lives here, in chaotic space, and they're trying to communicate with you?

"Yes! I saw him."

"Tell me about him. What does he look like?" Her tone had softened.

Chakotay remained agitated. "He's got a couple of kilos on me, a few centimeters in height, but I can take him, Captain." He broke away from her grip and began to pace. "I just have to stay off the ropes."

"The holodeck boxing simulation is still strong in his memory. Obviously it's the primary source of imagery for his hallucinations," said the Doctor.

"What if those hallucinations are being induced... for a purpose?" Janeway replied, beginning to pace herself. "Aliens who exist on some perceptual wavelength that our sensors can't detect. And the only way for them to communicate with us is to alter our senses. Chakotay's bad gene gave them the opportunity."

"What are you proposing?" the Doctor asked.

"Remember the derelict ship? Two of their crew members claimed they were seeing things. Was somebody trying to communicate with them? Was somebody trying to warn them? Help them?"

"Or trying to destroy them just as they're trying to destroy us," offered the Doctor.

"Why go through all the trouble?" the Captain responded. "We're trapped here anyway."

"Let me back in the ring!" Chakotay pleaded. At that moment, they felt Voyager shake under them.

"Even if this is some kind of alien communication, it could harm him, permanently," the Doctor warned.

"Bridge to Captain Janeway," Tuvok's voice came over the comm.

"Go ahead, Tuvok."

"Graviton sheer has increased again. Hull pressure is rising."

"I'm on my way," Janeway replied. She walked over to Chakotay and looked at him, questioningly.

"Captain, when have we ever turned away from a first contact?" he asked her. Their eyes met and they held each other's gaze.

"Send him back in the ring," she ordered without breaking from Chakotay's gaze.

...

Chakotay burst onto the bridge. "Commander," said Tuvok, a tinge of warning in his voice.

The Captain approached her first officer immediately. "What happened?" she asked.

Chakotay was walking towards Harry's station, and one of the Captain's hands was pressed lightly to his chest as he backed her towards the ops station. "He's got a right upper cut that almost knocked me out." He pointed at ops. "Move over, Harry."

"Hang on, Ensign," warned the Captain, gesturing towards Kim.

"They showed me how to get out of here," Chakotay said urgently. He was prepared to run the Captain down if necessary.

The Doctor was close on Chakotay's heels out of the turbolift. "He's hallucinating."

Chakotay shoved Ensign Kim and shouted, "Out of the way!"

Janeway lunged forward. "Tell us what to do."

"I can't!" Chakotay exclaimed in frustration. "It's too... difficult... to explain." He was trying desperately to hold the alien communication in his mind.

"I'm locking him out," Kim said, his fingers flying over the panel behind his station.

"No," the Captain stopped Harry. "Give up your post." She watched Chakotay as he entered commands into the ops station. She couldn't quite understand it, but she had a glimpse into what he was trying to do.

"He is recalibrating the deflector dish, and routing it through the sensor array," said Tuvok.

"It must be altered," Chakotay said under his breath, working as fast as he could.

"Captain," Paris reported, "the graviton sheer is increasing."

"I am reading microfractures on the hull," said Tuvok.

"Stay and we'll be destroyed." Chakotay was repeating the words the aliens had told him. "Activate the deflector, maximum amplitude. Bring sensors online."

"Captain," Tuvok began.

She knew he was about to object, but judging by her first officer's urgency, they didn't have time. "Do it," she ordered. After only the briefest hesitation, Tuvok turned back to his station and followed the order.

Harry looked down at his console, puzzled. "I don't know how, but then sensors have found us a course."

"Maximum impulse, now!" Chakotay ordered.

"Captain, if that course is wrong, we could breach our hull," Tom said.

Janeway looked from Tom back to Chakotay. She trusted her first officer with her life; with all of their lives. "Engage," she said firmly.

Paris turned back to the conn and engaged the impulse engines. The ship shook, and Janeway had to grab the ops station to remain standing. But then, a moment later, they were free.

"We have reentered normal space," Tuvok reported.

The Captain breathed a sigh of relief. "Mr. Paris, resume a course to the Alpha Quadrant."

"Aye, sir."

Chakotay slowly began to walk away from the ops station. Janeway's eyes followed him. He looked exhausted. As soon as he reached the railing, he collapsed, but the Captain and the Doctor were immediately at his side, supporting him.


	2. Chapter 1

"Akoocheemoya. I am far from the land of my ancestors. I am far from the bones of my people. If there is a spirit here to guide me, I wish to understand what happened to me, and how I am to move forward from it."

_Chakotay found himself in a familiar forest. He was near the colony where he had grown up. He heard moaning coming from somewhere nearby, and went in search of the sound. He found his grandfather behind a large boulder, curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth. Chakotay knelt down beside him. "Grandfather," he said, "are you all right?"_

_"So afraid," his grandfather whispered. "So afraid." He grabbed Chakotay's arm with surprising strength and looked up into his eyes. Chakotay could see that his grandfather's eyes were filled with terror._

_"What are you afraid of, Grandfather?" he asked, kneeling down beside the old man._

_"Chakotay, I'm losing my mind," the old man whispered._

_"You just have to take your medicine, Grandfather," Chakotay said soothingly. "Come home with me, and I'll get it for you."_

_"No!" the old man exclaimed, suddenly becoming violent and pushing Chakotay away. The force of the shove caused the younger man to stumble backwards, and his grandfather stood and walked towards him. "Medicine won't change anything, Chakotay. I am who I am." Then the man's demeanor shifted completely; he suddenly was smiling. "Take a breath, Chakotay. Smell the forest. Look at the trees. Can't you see them? If you smile at them, they will smile back at you!"_

_"Grandfather, please, come home with me."_

_The old man became quiet. "No, Chakotay, this is my home, and here I will rest." He sat down against the boulder where Chakotay had found him. "Come over here, Chakotay." Wearily, Chakotay approached. "The spirits are so near," his grandfather said, his voice becoming quieter. "Soon I will join them and leave you forever."_

_At this, Chakotay felt panic begin to rise in his chest. "You mean die? No, Grandfather! No! You just need your medicine. Come home with me."_

_The old man shook his head. "Chakotay, calm down. Why do you always insist on making things so difficult for yourself. Look around you. The forest is our home. The leaves are my blanket. This rock is my chair."_

_"You're just a crazy old man," Chakotay replied, both anger and pleading in his tone._

_The old man's eyes grew wide, and for a moment, Chakotay was prepared to apologize. He knew that he had insulted his grandfather, and he felt ashamed. His grandfather's tone grew quiet. "Maybe I am," he said. "But even things that seem crazy must be honored. My pain must be honored. Someday, your pain will be honored too."_

_Chakotay felt cold. He knelt next to his grandfather. "What do you mean?" he whispered._

_The old man looked up at Chakotay with wide eyes, and for that moment, Chakotay had no doubt that his grandfather was perfectly lucid. The old man spoke: "You can never escape who you truly are."_

Chakotay suddenly opened his eyes with a gasp. He was back in his quarters on _Voyager_. The vision quest had ended. Or he had been jolted out of it. He heard his comm badge chirping. "Janeway to Chakotay, do you read me?"

He tapped his badge. He could tell from the tone in her voice that this was not her first hail. "Chakotay here," he said, his voice still shaking.

"Are you all right, Commander?"

"Yes, Captain, I'm fine. I was just in the middle of a vision quest."

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, Commander, but would you join me on the bridge?"

"Of course, Captain. I'm on my way." He hastily put away the items from his medicine bundle, and left his quarters, heading towards the bridge. The images from his vision quest were still fresh in his mind, and he felt unsettled. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself as he exited the turbolift onto the bridge. Kathryn was sitting in her chair, and he moved to sit beside her. He caught her eyes on him, a concerned expression on her face.

"We are approaching an M class planet," Tuvok reported.

"Lifesigns?" Janeway asked.

"Approximately twenty million. They do appear to have warp capability, Captain."

"Hail them," the Captain ordered.

"Frequency open," Tuvok replied.

"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship Voyager. We mean you no harm. We are explorers on a long journey, and we seek peaceful relations."

There was a moment of silence, and then Tuvok said, "They are responding."

"On screen."

A male face appeared on the screen; he appeared to be considerably older than Janeway, with long, white hair flowing down his back. His face was wrinkled, but his eyes were wise and soft. His skin was a light brown color, and his ears stretched all the way down the side of his head. "I am Oxanayul, High Priest of the Cholani people. We greet you in the name of our gods." The man bowed his head in a gesture of respect.

Janeway copied the gesture, bowing her head. "It is an honor to meet you, High Priest Oxanayul," she said in a grave tone.

"What sort of relations do you seek with us?" the Priest asked.

"If you are willing, we would like to meet you in person. Perhaps we could arrange to trade with you for some fresh food supplies."

"Please," Oxanayul replied gently. "We would be honored to have you as our guests this evening."

Janeway smiled. "Thank you, High Priest. I look forward to meeting you in person. Janeway out." Tuvok cut the comm signal and Janeway headed for her ready room. She glanced at Chakotay as she stood, and he knew that she wanted him to follow her.

Inside the ready room, she immediately went to the replicator. "Coffee, black," she ordered, then turned back to him. "Would you like anything, Commander?"

"No, thanks, I'm fine."

She sat on the sofa and patted the seat beside her for him to join her. He walked over and sat next to her as she asked, "What do you think?"

"My instinct is that they have a highly religious culture," he answered. "I think we should be careful not to offend them or cross any cultural boundaries.

She nodded, "I agree. But they seem friendly, and we really do need some fresh food supplies."

He grinned. "Getting tired of leola root stew?"

She rolled her eyes in response and then turned her attention back to him. "How are you holding up, Chakotay?"

"I'm fine," he replied, knowing that she was referring to the recent incident in chaotic space.

"Have you seen the Doctor again since the incident?"

He nodded. "He says I'm fine; that the gene is 'turned off' again."

She studied him for a moment. "But you have doubts about that, don't you?" she asked.

He averted his eyes, unsure how to respond. He felt her hand on his shoulder and saw her eyes looking at him worriedly. He reached up and patted her hand before responding, "I wish that I didn't. When something you've feared your whole life comes so close to you... it's hard to believe that it will just vanish into nothing again."

She nodded, waiting to see if he would go on. He didn't. "There was something else, though, wasn't there?" she asked. "When I woke you from your vision quest, you sounded... shaken."

He shook his head, unwilling to reveal the details to her. "I saw something that made me think my fears are justified," he explained. "But vision quests can be hard to interpret. They often aren't literal."

"Well, keep me updated," she said, her tone becoming businesslike again. "And if you need a little extra time off to heal, I'm sure we can arrange it."

"That won't be necessary, Captain."

"Good," she said with a smile. She put her coffee cup down on the table. "Now, we have a first contact mission to get ready for."

...

The Cholani home world was covered in dense forests that reminded Chakotay very much of the colony where he had grown up. The people lived in small, stone structures, and for a culture that was technologically advanced enough to have warp technology, they lived very simply, from what Chakotay could tell. Their culture seemed to be based around their religion, which consisted of many gods, each of whom were responsible for a different element or task. It was not dissimilar to some of Earth's religions.

The meeting took place in an outside square near a large, stone building. Although they clearly had the ability to create artificial light, the Cholani seemed to prefer a more natural approach. The square was lit by fire; several large torches burned around the square, casting shadows over the face of Kathryn Janeway and her away team as they greeted the Cholani in person for the first time.

"Captain," said Oxanayul, "it is an honor to welcome you to Cholani." The High Priest bowed his head and brought his palms together, as if in prayer. "May the gods smile upon you," he said.

"Thank you, High Priest," Janeway replied, repeating his bow. Chakotay, Torres and Neelix stood behind her, observing the meeting. She turned and introduced them each. "This is my first officer, Commander Chakotay; our chief engineer, Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres; and this is Ambassador Neelix. He's the one who'll be negotiating trade with you."

"It is a pleasure to meet you," Oxanayul said, repeating his bow from earlier. "May the gods smile upon you." Chakotay, Torres and Neelix each attempted to imitate the bow in response. For the first time, they noticed that there were two figures standing beside Oxanayul. They stepped into the light. One was a young man; he could be no more than a teenager, and the other was a petite woman. Both had the same brown skin as Oxanayul, and both had jet black hair. "This is my first prelate, Axamiya," the Priest said. The boy stepped forward and bowed. "And this is the High Priestess Leikala." The woman stepped forward and bowed as well.

"It is a pleasure to meet you," said Janeway, echoing the Priest's words. She was mindful of Chakotay's warning about not overstepping her bounds.

"We will proceed with the trading in the morning," the Priest said, "but for this evening, please enjoy our city. There are many vendors in the streets who have prepared our local delicacies. You will not need to pay for anything this evening."

"You are very generous, High Priest," said Janeway.

"Generosity is a gift from the gods," he replied. "Please, enjoy yourselves." He made a sweeping gesture with his arm, as if the entire city was open to them. "There is only one request I must make, Captain."

"Of course, High Priest."

"None of your crew must enter the Holy Temple." Oxanayul gestured behind them to the large stone building. "Only those who have been sanctified may enter."

"I understand, High Priest," Janeway replied. "We will not disturb your temple."

The away team began to mill about and disperse. Chakotay saw his Captain already deep in conversation with the High Priest, and Neelix had already made friends with the young first prelate. B'Elanna was walking around with a tricorder, trying to get a better understanding of Cholani technology. At that moment, Chakotay thought he heard something. He thought he heard crying.

He looked around to see where it was coming from, but he didn't see anyone in distress. He began to walk around the square, peering behind each pillar, expecting to see a crying child, but he saw nothing. As he continued to walk around the square, he realized that each time he approached the temple, the sound became louder. He walked slowly towards the temple, searching for the origin of the sound. The sound became louder, and he realized that it was not a child's voice, but a man's. He looked behind the pillars at the base of the temple. There was no one there, but the sound had definitely become louder. "Chakotay, help me," he heard.

"Grandfather?" he asked. He was sure it had been his grandfather's voice. There was no reply; only more weeping. "Grandfather!" he called again. He began to feel a sense of urgency. He had to find his grandfather. He was lost. He had to get his grandfather home.

"Chakotay!" he heard a sharp exclamation. He blinked his eyes, realizing that it had not been his grandfather's voice. He felt a hand on his shoulder. "Chakotay," he heard again.

He turned, and was shocked to find himself face to face with his Captain. "Captain," he said, confused.

"Chakotay, what are you doing?" she asked. "You were about to enter the Cholani temple."

Chakotay looked around himself, realizing that he had somehow climbed almost all of the temple's steps and had nearly reached the large, wooden doors. "I thought I heard someone crying," he said. "I couldn't find them. I'm fine, Captain. Really."

Kathryn took his arm firmly and began to lead him down the stairs. "Are you sure, Chakotay?" she said quietly. "If this is some sort of a relapse, we should have the Doctor look at you immediately."

"No, I'm fine," he said, gently pulling his arm out of her grip. "Thank you, Captain. I won't get distracted again."

Janeway let him go, allowing him to make his way into the Cholani streets, and she returned to her conversation with the High Priest, explaining that Chakotay had thought he heard someone in distress and wanted to investigate. But the incident remained a point of concern in the back of her mind for the rest of the evening.

...

"All ready, Neelix?" Chakotay asked as they readied the cargo containers that they hoped they would need to bring back fresh food supplies.

"Aye, aye, sir," Neelix replied brightly. "Ambassador Neelix always comes prepared!" Chakotay smiled as they walked to the transporter room. Neelix always managed to maintain his good sense of humor, no matter what the circumstances. When they reached the transporter room, Chakotay signaled the ensign on duty to beam them down.

The square looked quite different in the daylight. Chakotay could see the vibrant colored glass that adorned many of the buildings. The houses, which had all looked the same in the dim candlelight, now each seemed to have their own personality. First Prelate Axamiya had agree to meet them at the transporter site and escort them to the market, where they would be able to trade for food. Chakotay glanced at the First Prelate. He didn't look like he could be much older than sixteen.

"Commander Chakotay," the boy said, Chakotay's name sticking in his mouth, "it is a pleasure to see you again. May the gods smile upon you." He bowed.

Chakotay returned the gesture, beginning to get used to it. "First Prelate, it is a pleasure to see you again as well." Axamiya repeated the same greeting to Neelix.

"Follow me," said the boy. "I will take you to the market." Neelix and Chakotay followed the young man through the busy streets of the Cholani city. The Cholani seemed to be a thriving people; happy and blessed with abundance.

"You certainly have a beautiful city," Neelix said.

"It is a gift from the gods, Ambassador Neelix," replied the First Prelate.

"Your gods seem to be very important to you," Chakotay observed.

Axamiya stopped walking, looking at Chakotay with a confused expression. "Do you not have your own gods to guide you?" he asked.

Chakotay smiled. "I do," he said softly. "I call them spirits, but they are like your gods. But where I come from, many cultures are not as connected to their gods as you and your people seem to be."

The young man seemed puzzled. "How can a people's gods be unimportant to them? Everything stems from the gods."

Chakotay smiled at the boy's naivete. "The universe is a big place, son," he said. "Not everyone sees things the same way."

This thought made Axamiya quiet as he contemplated the Commander's words. The three of them arrived at a bustling street. The colors on this street were more vibrant than any other they had visited, and the street was full of carts and barrels, each filled with fruits, nuts and grains. There were fresh meats and cheeses for sale, and some bakery carts with exotic looking pastries. Neelix didn't know where to look first; it was like a paradise to him. He began to approach different vendors, examining their foodstuffs.

Chakotay looked around, enjoying the sight of a busy, productive marketplace around him. He meandered over to a table where a beautiful young woman was selling a sweet, sticky substance that looked like some sort of jam. She was handing out free samples. "Would you like to try one?" she asked.

Chakotay smiled at the young woman and gladly accepted. She handed him some of the substance on some sort of cracker. He tasted it; it was delicious. It stuck to his teeth and in the back of his throat, and tasted vaguely like honey and a little like blueberries. He was about to compliment the young woman on her creation, but a sound distracted him. He whirled around, but there was no one there. He heard it again. He knew that sound; it was the sound of his grandfather crying. He began to search in the crowd for the old man. At first he didn't see anyone even resembling his grandfather, but then he caught sight of a long, white ponytail a few feet away. Chakotay hurried after the ponytail, grabbing the man by the shoulder, but when he turned around, Chakotay realized that it was actually a woman with a long, blond ponytail flowing down her back. She looked startled by the Commander's attempt to stop her. "I'm sorry," Chakotay said. "I thought you were someone else."

"That's all right," said the woman kindly. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"No, thank you," Chakotay said, already moving away from her. The sound of the crying was getting louder. He had to find his grandfather before the crazy old man disrupted the whole town. He began to move quickly through the streets, looking behind carts and bushes. The sound was becoming louder, and Chakotay became frantic. Where was his grandfather? Why was he crying so loudly? Didn't he know he was going to disturb the whole town?

Chakotay did not realize that people around him were staring. He began to push people out of his way as he plunged through the crowds of people. He was beginning to hear words now. "Chakotay, help me! Where are you?"

"I'm coming, Grandfather!" he replied. Then, beside a barrel, he saw a figure crouched and shaking. It was his grandfather. Chakotay rushed to his side and knelt down beside him, knocking over a fruit cart in the process.

His grandfather looked up at him. "Thank the spirits you're here," he said. "I need your help."

"I'm here, Grandfather," Chakotay reassured him.

"I need you to help me," the old man replied.

"Of course. Just tell me what you need."

At that moment, Chakotay felt a hand on his shoulder. He heard a voice behind him, but he could not make out the words it said. He turned to bat the hand away, and quickly turned back to his grandfather... and realized that he knelt face to face with a large clay pot. Chakotay stopped, realizing that he was in the Cholani market, kneeling on the ground, with fruits and vegetables strewn all around him. He realized that the hand on his shoulder belonged to Axamiya, who had been standing behind him, shouting, "Commander Chakotay!" for the last several moments.

He slowly turned and looked at the First Prelate. The young man kept his hand on Chakotay's shoulder. "First Prelate," he said, in an astonished tone.

"Commander Chakotay, are you all right? I lost track of you in the crowd, and then I saw you here. You seemed worried about something."

"I think that I need to get back to my ship," Chakotay said slowly. He stood up, looking around him. He realized that a crowd had gathered, and that all the fruits and vegetables were on the ground because he had knocked over a man's cart. The man was salvaging what he could. Chakotay approached him, and the man regarded him distrustfully. "I'm sorry," Chakotay said. "I'll pay for all the food I ruined."

"Thanks," said the vendor brusquely.

Axamiya stepped in. "Citizen Tylensa, the High Priest will make sure that you are compensated. This man is distressed; we must have compassion for him."

Tylensa bowed his head, obviously ashamed. "Thank you, First Prelate." He turned to Chakotay. "I am sorry, stranger. I should have had more empathy for your distress."

Chakotay shook his head. "I'm the one who owes you an apology," he said.

"Compassion is a gift from the gods," the vendor replied. "I am grateful for yours." He bowed in the traditional Cholani manner and Chakotay returned the gesture.

At this point, Neelix had seen the commotion and had approached the crowd. "Commander!" he exclaimed. "Are you all right?"

"I think so, Neelix," Chakotay replied. "I'm going to have the Doc check me out. Do you think you handle the rest of the food supply mission alone?"

"I've got it covered, Commander," said Neelix smartly.

Chakotay nodded, and Axamiya led him away from the crowd. The younger man suddenly showed remarkable poise. "Thank you for helping me back there," Chakotay said.

"It is a gift to be able to help others," Axamiya replied, and this time Chakotay knew the young man wasn't just repeating words he had heard; he genuinely meant what he said. Chakotay was still moving slowly after the incident; more because he needed to think than because he was physically hurt. Axamiya seemed to sense this, and he asked, "Are you all right?"

"I don't know," Chakotay said. "I don't know what's happening to me. I'm going to go back to my ship and have our Doctor check me out."

"You don't contact your..." Axamiya paused, searching for a word that he struggled to remember. "Your spirits when you are in distress?"

Chakotay smiled. "Actually, I often do. But it's usually a good idea to see the Doctor too. Don't you have Doctors on Cholani?"

The young man shook his head. "Only priests," he said, "and spiritual healers. They can help anyone. I'm sure they would help you if you appealed to the High Priest."

Chakotay smiled, touched by the young man's faith and compassion. "Thanks," he said, "but I think I better get checked out by our Doctor first."


	3. Chapter 2

"I can't explain it, Commander," said the Doctor, hovering over him with a medical tricorder. "I thought that when we exited chaotic space, the gene would revert to its previously dormant state."

Janeway stood next to the biobed, her arms crossed. She had heard about what happened on the surface, although not in detail, and was anxious to hear what the Doctor had to say. "But Chakotay didn't exhibit any of the signs until we reached Cholani. Surely there's some connection."

The Doctor shrugged. "Not one that I can explain medically," he said.

"What do you mean by that?" Chakotay asked.

"From what I understand, the Cholani have a deeply rooted belief system. None of our away teams have been allowed inside their temple, yet that is the place you were drawn to when these symptoms began to reoccur."

"Doctor, do you think there's some connection between what's happening to Chakotay and the Cholani's religious beliefs?" Janeway asked, incredulous.

"I don't know," the EMH replied dryly. "I'm a doctor, not a bishop. But it does seem possible."

Janeway turned her attention to her first officer, who was still visibly shaken by recent events. She put her hand on his arm, steady and strong. "What do you think, Chakotay?"

"I don't know. I don't know what's causing this," he replied.

"What's the treatment, Doctor?" she asked, her hand still holding Chakotay's arm, both giving and getting support.

"I can suppress the hallucinations," the Doctor said, "but there is no actual treatment. I can take away the symptoms, but not the cause of them."

"Captain," Chakotay interjected, "I'd like your permission to return to the surface."

Her eyes glowed with compassion. "Chakotay," she said softly, "I think it's better if you rest."

He shook his head. "I think these people may have a way of treating my condition."

She stepped away from him, dropping her hand from his arm. "Oh? What sort of treatment?"

"I don't know, exactly. The First Prelate mentioned something to me about it."

"Commander, I know the Cholani are capable and kind, but I don't think I'd trust their knowledge of human physiology," the Doctor warned. "We know very little about their medicinal practices."

"It wouldn't be a medical treatment," Chakotay said.

"Well then what kind of treatment would it be?" Janeway asked.

"Captain," Chakotay said, forcing his voice to remain calm, "the Doctor has repressed the hallucinations for now. I don't know enough to answer your questions. Please, allow me to return to the surface so that I can find out more."

She studied him carefully, weighing the risks against his desire for information. Finally she acceded, "Very well, Commander." Then she smiled a wry smile. "Just try not to knock over any fruit carts this time. We can't afford to pay for it."

...

Axamiya had agreed to take Chakotay to see the High Priest; only the High Priest could tell Chakotay about the treatment in detail. The First Prelate escorted Chakotay around the Holy Temple to a small building next door. "This is where the High Priest lives," he explained.

The domicile was small and simple. It bore no glass adornments like many of the other shelters did. Axamiya approached the small door and knocked three times. Oxanayul appeared in the doorframe. "Axamiya, my child, and Commander Chakotay, come in," he greeted them.

The two men entered the room. Chakotay had to duck to avoid hitting his head on the doorframe. The High Priest's abode was sparsely decorated. There was a small table with two chairs, where Chakotay imagined the old man ate; a small stove; a pantry and some sort of cold food storage box. The other side of the room contained a beautifully woven rug with mats scattered around it. There was a small fireplace for wood burning fires, although none burned now. There was a closed door to another room; Chakotay assumed it led to the bedroom. "Please, have a seat," said the High Priest, gesturing to the mats near the rug. Axamiya sat, and Chakotay followed his lead. "Can I get you some tea?"

"Thank you, High Priest," said the First Prelate, bowing his head. Chakotay decided to follow the younger man's lead and repeated his response.

The High Priest joined them, carrying a wooden tray. The tray held three simple cups carved from wood, and a pot. The Priest sat the tray on the floor, and poured tea for each of them, handing a cup to Chakotay and a cup to Axamiya. Chakotay noticed how gracefully and easily the man moved, in spite of his advanced age. "Now," said the High Priest, "Axamiya tells me you wish to go on a healing journey."

"Well," Chakotay replied slowly, "I'd like to find out more about your healing methods." He explained his condition and gave a brief summary of the incident in chaotic space which had preceded his madness. "Our Doctor doesn't know why I'm continuing to hallucinate."

The High Priest smiled kindly. "Our gods have a way of forcing us to accept who we truly are," he said.

Chakotay looked at him strangely. These words were so similar to the ones he had heard in his vision quest that he felt it could not be a coincidence. He shook off the strange feeling and continued, "Our Doctor can prevent the hallucinations, but he can't eliminate the defective gene that causes them."

"Do you wish to treat the cause?" Oxanayul asked.

"I don't want to spend the rest of my life dependent on a hypospray," Chakotay said. "If there's another kind of treatment I can pursue, I want to know about it."

The High Priest nodded. "You must understand that a healing journey is not a quick or easy solution. It will require many days and many nights. It will be a long and arduous journey. But at the end, any destructive forces within you will be purged."

"Can you tell me how it works?" Chakotay asked.

Oxanayul chuckled. "Only the gods know the answer to that question," he said.

"Are there any dangers to this healing journey?"

"No one has ever been harmed during a healing journey," the High Priest replied. "But if you have any doubts, you will not have the fortitude to complete the journey."

"What happens if I begin the journey and don't complete it?" Chakotay asked.

"It rarely occurs, but in every case, the result of someone beginning a healing journey and leaving it incomplete has left them irreparably damaged. Taking that course could even kill you. You must be absolutely committed to purging yourself of this destruction; to remaking yourself; to allowing the gods to remake you."

"I understand," said Chakotay.

"Take some time to think about it, Chakotay," Oxanayul said. "Speak to your closest friends. Be sure that they will support you. The journey is easier to take when you know that those who love you are by your side."

Chakotay nodded. "Thank you, High Priest." He turned to Axamiya. "And thank you for arranging this meeting, First Prelate. High Priest, I will think about what you have said." Oxanayul looked at Chakotay, and Chakotay could see something in his eyes that he could not quite grasp; as if the Priest could see inside his very soul.

...

Kathryn Janeway inhaled the scent of the mushroom soup as she placed two bowls on the table. She knew that it was Chakotay's favorite dish, and she had decided to make it for their weekly dinner together. She put bread on the table, and two glasses for water. Kathryn sighed; she was worried about Chakotay. She had seen hints of his madness twice now; once in chaotic space and once on the planet. It was hard for her to see her normally calm and collected first officer coming apart at the seams like this. The Doctor said that he could control the hallucinations, but would that be enough? Why hadn't any of the symptoms recurred for weeks until they arrived on the Cholani home world? Surely that was not a coincidence. She knew that Chakotay had met with the High Priest earlier in the day, and she was anxious to hear about the meeting, but her instinct was not to trust the Cholani with her first officer's life. They barely knew these people; how could they trust that their healing techniques would work?

The door chimed. "Come in," she said.

Chakotay entered her quarters and immediately smiled. "You made mushroom soup."

She returned the smile. "I know it's supposed to be chicken soup that cures all ills, but I thought in your case mushroom soup would be better."

"Kathryn, you didn't have to waste your replicator rations on me," Chakotay continued to needle her.

"It's not a waste, Chakotay," she replied, suddenly becoming serious.

He didn't know what to say to this, so he sat down in his usual chair and she sat across from him. He took a bite of the soup and looked at her with genuine gratitude. "Thank you, it's delicious."

She nodded and offered him half a smile. He could tell that she was worried about him, and hated the fact that he was causing her this distress. "How was your meeting with the High Priest?" she asked.

"Their spiritual traditions are surprisingly similar to the traditions of my own people. If the Cholani are ill, they take what they call a 'healing journey.' It sounds like some sort of extended vision quest. The High Priest says that everyone who completes the healing journey becomes fully healed."

"And those who don't?"

"He said it's rare, but those who begin the journey and don't complete it... could suffer injuries."

"What kind of injuries, Chakotay?" she asked.

He looked down at his soup before answering, "They could die."

She shook her head. "It's too great a risk," she said. "What do we know about these people? About their healing techniques? Do you even know what this healing journey entails?"

"Not really," Chakotay admitted. "I don't think that even Priest Oxanayul knows what the journey entails. If it's like a vision quest, it's different for each person."

"Chakotay," she said, reaching across the table to touch his arm, "we simply don't know enough to evaluate the risks of this... procedure."

He withdrew his arm from her grasp, his voice becoming more intense. "It's not a procedure, Kathryn. It's a religious ritual. You can't evaluate the risks. It's about faith."

She sat back in her chair, feeling as though they had had this argument before. "The Doctor can stop the hallucinations. You said yourself, a couple of hyposprays a day are all that's necessary."

"I know," he said quietly. He looked her straight in the eyes, his expression betraying the intense fear that he felt. "But I don't want to be dependent on a hypospray for the rest of my life. As long as I know that this is a part of me and could affect me at any moment, I will be afraid of becoming my grandfather." Chakotay stood and began to pace back and forth across the room. "I don't want to be a crazy old man." He stopped for a moment and looked at her. "I could live with almost anything, Kathryn. I could go blind, I could go deaf. I could lose a limb." He began to pace again. "But I couldn't live with the knowledge that I was going crazy!"

Janeway watched her first officer and her friend as he paced back and forth across her quarters. She wanted nothing more than to soothe him, to tell him everything was going to be all right; to stroke his hair and take his hand, and lead him back to the table so he could enjoy his dinner. But she couldn't do any of that. She asked, "What makes you think that this religious ritual is a cure for your condition?"

"It's not something I can fully explain," he said. Then he stopped pacing. "The High Priest said something to me that I also heard in one of my own vision quests."

She studied him carefully. "Do you think they're related somehow?"

"I don't know," he replied. "But what I do know is that this may be my only chance to stop myself from going crazy." He walked towards her, slowly and deliberately, and knelt at her feet, taking both her hands in his. "Please, Kathryn. I need to do this."

She looked down at him; his earnest expression, the pleading in his eyes and on his face. How could she deny him this opportunity? They held each other's gaze for a long time. She knew that he could see the fear in her own eyes; the fear of losing him to an alien ritual or an unknown conspiracy. Yet, she could not imagine what it would be like to watch him slowly go mad over the next fifty years. The thought of it made her shudder inwardly. She reached out and ran her hand through his hair, gently nodding her ascent.

...

Chakotay removed the Starfleet pips from his collar and placed them on his desk. He changed out of his uniform into comfortable brown trousers and a loose, flowing, white top. He chuckled inwardly to himself, realizing these were the same clothes he had brought with him to New Earth. After this healing journey, he had to do a little work on his wardrobe, he mused. The door chimed. "Come in."

B'Elanna entered his quarters. She looked at him, taking in his civilian appearance. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"If you want to know if I've lost my mind yet, no such luck," Chakotay joked.

B'Elanna smiled weakly. She knew him almost as well as Kathryn did; perhaps better in some ways, and she wasn't fooled by his bravado. But she also could banter with the best of them. "That's too bad," she replied in the same joking tone. "Tom and I had a plan to get you to sign over your replicator rations to us."

Chakotay smiled. "Don't even think about it," he said. "I don't know if I'll get to eat on this healing journey. I might be very hungry when I get back."

B'Elanna crossed her arms in front of her chest, her tone becoming serious. "How do you know you can trust these people, Chakotay?"

"I'll tell you the same thing I told the Captain. I guess I don't know. Call it a leap of faith, but there's something about their culture that is familiar to me, and the High Priest said something to me that my own grandfather told me in a vision quest."

"Chakotay, give the Doctor another opportunity. Maybe he can find a cure," B'Elanna replied.

Chakotay stepped closer to her and took her by the shoulders. "I don't think the solution is a medical one, B'Elanna. I think it's something I have to find within myself. I don't know how I know this; I can't explain it to you, but this is something I have to do."

B'Elanna looked at him. She could tell that he wasn't crazy, at least not yet, and she knew there was no stopping him once he became this convinced about something. "Okay," she said softly. "Just take care of yourself down there."

"I will," he replied. Then his devilish grin returned. "I wouldn't want you and Tom to have to argue over who got my replicator rations, would I?" She managed a half-hearted smile in response to his levity. "Come on," he said. "Walk me to the transporter room."

"What, you need an escort now?" she asked, her own sense of humor returning.

"Is that not a job you're worthy of, Lieutenant?" he asked playfully as they exited his quarters. He was able to move out of the way just in time to avoid her fist landing squarely in his temple. She was just playing, but still, it would have hurt.

When they reached the transporter room, she stopped outside the doors. "I hope you find what you're looking for, Chakotay," she said softly.

"Thank you," he replied. She watched the doors close behind him as he disappeared into the transporter room. The Captain and Tuvok were waiting inside.

"Commander," Tuvok said, "I have agreed to your request. We will not keep a transporter lock on you while you remain on the surface."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Chakotay replied. One of the stipulations that Axamiya had explained to him was that no technology could be allowed to interfere in the healing journey. Apparently the gods did not appreciate people who tried to meddle in their plans. Chakotay turned to Kathryn. Her eyes were bright with concern. He held her gaze for several moments without moving, trying to memorize every detail of her face and expression. Then he slowly removed his communicator and pressed it into her hand. It was the last piece of technology on his person. "Keep this for me," he said softly, holding the badge in her hand, pressing her hand between both of his.

Her voice caught in throat as she replied, "I will." There was so much she wanted to say to him, but no words would come. Finally, she said, "Good luck, Commander." She felt him squeeze her hand between both of his before he let it go and walked up to the transporter pad. As he stood there, she realized she had seen his clothes before, on New Earth. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw him standing there, alone, with no way to contact the ship or get help if he was in danger.

Beside her, Tuvok held up his hand in the customary Vulcan gesture. "Live long and prosper, Commander."

Before she had a chance to change her mind, Janeway nodded at the ensign who stood at the transporter console. "Energize."

...

Axamiya paced nervously back and forth in front of the temple. He had agreed to be Commander Chakotay's _kochaba_, the person who accompanied him on the beginning of his healing journey. He had received very specific instructions about his duties and responsibilities from Oxanayul, and he had been informed that should he need further instructions, the gods would provide them. Still, Axamiya was nervous. He had never served as _kochaba_ before, and had never even been on a healing journey himself. He was barely even considered a man by his people. He had been both fortunate and intelligent; he had accelerated in all of his classes in school, particularly the courses related to religion. High Priest Oxanayul had noticed him when he was just a boy, and had begun grooming him then for the role of First Prelate.

Commander Chakotay materialized in the square in front of him. It was the first time the young man had seen a member of _Voyager_'s crew out of uniform, and Axamiya thought that the casual clothes suited the older man. "Are you ready?" he asked Chakotay.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Chakotay replied.

"Have you followed our instructions and removed all of your technology?"

"I have. I had a tough time convincing Captain Janeway not to keep a transporter lock on me, but she has agreed to all of your conditions."

"Excellent," Axamiya said. "Then we are ready to begin. I will serve as your _kochaba_, and I will guide you for the first part of your journey."

"I understand," said Chakotay. Axamiya began to walk past the temple, in the opposite direction from the market. "Where are we going?" Chakotay asked.

"We must journey into the Sacred Forest," Axamiya explained. "Only those on healing journeys and vision journeys may enter it."

"Vision journeys?"

Axamiya nodded. "Sometimes when we feel we need to seek guidance about a particular decision in our lives, we take a vision journey into the Sacred Forest, to ask the gods how we should proceed."

"In my culture, we have something very similar," Chakotay replied. "We call it a vision quest. Have you ever taken one of these journeys?"

"I took a vision journey when High Priest Oxanayul asked me if I would want to become First Prelate one day. I wanted to make sure that it was the office the gods demanded of me."

Chakotay glanced at the young man. "And it was?" he asked.

Axamiya smiled proudly, nodding. Then his smile faded a moment later. "At least, I think that's what the gods were trying to tell me."

Chakotay smiled. "I'm sure it was. You seem to be very well suited to your job."

Axamiya bowed his head at the compliment. "Thank you, Commander. But what worries me more is how I could ever be the High Priest."

"High Priest?"

"Traditionally, it is the First Prelate who one day becomes the High Priest."

Chakotay nodded, beginning to understand the young man's concerns. "I'm sure that when the time comes, the gods will make sure you're ready to take on the task."

They had reached the edge of a vast forest. It reminded Chakotay a great deal of his home planet, covered in a dense blanket of leafy greens and tall trees. Chakotay realized that they were about to go into the forest alone, with no weapons and no way to communicate with the outside world. "Is this forest dangerous?" he asked.

"The Sacred Forest is protected by the gods," his young companion replied. Portraying a confidence he didn't quite feel, Axamiya stepped into the forest. There were no paths carved out through the dense brush, and Chakotay wondered if his young guide actually knew where he was going, but he had no choice but to have faith and to follow, so he stepped into the forest after Axamiya.

...

Kathryn Janeway sat in her ready room. Her hand held the PADD containing Neelix's request for supplies to trade; what would be traded to which vendor; what kinds of food they would receive in return and in what quantities. Her eyes were on the PADD, but her mind was miles below, on the planet's surface. It had only been two hours since Chakotay had beamed down to Cholani. What had she expected? He'd had no idea how long the healing journey would take. For all they knew it could take days, or even weeks. The High Priest had assured her that it would not be long enough to significantly delay their journey home, but he had not been able to tell her exactly how long it would take. All the unknowns in this situation worried her; she liked to be able have some way of predicting at least a possible outcome, but in this situation, she didn't even have enough information to do that.

In her mind's eye, she saw Chakotay about to enter the Cholani temple. She saw the wild look in his eye as he had turned around and realized where he was. She saw him ranting in sickbay about a prize fight, accusing the Doctor of ruining his career. No, she didn't want him to have to live like that. Yes, she trusted him. That was why she had granted his request. But that didn't make it any easier for her now. The chime on her ready room door rang. "Come in," she called, welcoming the distraction of a visitor.

Seven of Nine entered. "Captain," she said, "am I disturbing you?"

"Not at all, Seven. I could use some company. What can I do for you?"

"I am... perplexed," Seven replied.

Janeway could tell she was about to enter a discussion on the nature of humanity. She smiled and stood, walking to the replicator. "Coffee, black," she ordered. The coffee materialized in front of her and she took the cup. "Would you like anything, Seven?"

"I do not require nutrition at this time."

Janeway moved over to the sofa and motioned for Seven to sit next to her. The younger woman came and sat by the Captain's side. "Now, what are you perplexed about?" Janeway asked.

"I do not understand Commander Chakotay's desire to undergo an alien ritual when the Doctor has a perfectly viable treatment for his condition here in sickbay."

Janeway smiled. "Spirituality is an extremely important part of life for many people, Seven. Sometimes, people feel like they need to seek answers outside of conventional medicine."

"Is spirituality an important part of your life?" Seven asked.

The Captain took a breath. "I prefer to rely on scientific principles and research," she replied.

"Yet you permitted Commander Chakotay to undertake a potentially dangerous mission for the sake of his spiritual beliefs?"

"Spirituality is something no one can impose on another, Seven. I may not share Commander Chakotay's beliefs, but I respect them."

Seven cocked her head, puzzled. "Yet, if you had not permitted Commander Chakotay to engage in this 'healing journey,' he would have access to perfectly acceptable medical treatment aboard _Voyager_."

"Acceptable to you, perhaps, but not to Commander Chakotay," the Captain countered.

"Explain."

"Chakotay doesn't want to be dependent on that sort of medical treatment for the rest of his life," Janeway said, dropping her first officer's title. "If he has to be, he will accept that, but the Cholani have offered him another way, and he felt that he had to explore that possibility."

"I see," Seven replied. "The Commander wishes to remain more self-sufficient."

Janeway smiled. It was a Borg way of understanding the situation, but it was still understanding. "Yes," she said softly.

Seven nodded. "Thank you, Captain, I believe I understand."

"Any time," Janeway said with a smile as Seven stood and began to exit the room.

The former Borg stopped before she reached the door. "If Commander Chakotay does not return from his mission, he will be... missed."

Janeway nodded and Seven exited the ready room, her last words echoing in the Captain's mind. _Yes_, she thought, _he will be greatly missed._

...

Chakotay and Axamiya had been tromping through the forest for hours, and the sun was setting. Chakotay hadn't felt this physically exhausted in a long time. They had walked over miles of terrain, much of it difficult; laden with branches and rocks. Axamiya had brought two knives, one for each of them, which they used to cut through much of the thickest underbrush. At one place, several large tree branches had blocked their path through a narrow ravine, and they had had to lift and move each one before being able to pass. Axamiya was unusually quiet for most of the journey; he seemed to be focused, deep in thought. Chakotay felt his arms, legs and back aching. He heard the rumble of hunger in the pit of his stomach, but he steeled himself against it. He'd been through worse. Oxanayul had said he must be totally committed to this journey, or else he would not have the fortitude to continue. He would continue.

Suddenly, Axamiya spoke up. "What is the mark on your forehead, Commander Chakotay?"

"Please, just call me Chakotay. I'm not a Commander out here."

"All, right, Chakotay," said the younger man shyly.

"It's called a tattoo. It's a mark of my tribe," Chakotay explained. "My father and my grandfather had the same mark. I wear it to honor them and to honor the history of my people."

"Our people are not permitted to wear such markings," Axamiya replied. "It is considered an offense against the gods to put a permanent mark on your body."

"Are you offended by my tattoo?" Chakotay asked.

"No. You are not Cholani. You have your own spirits, and you wear your marking to honor them."

Chakotay smiled. The boy was naive, but he was wise. He would make an excellent High Priest someday. Suddenly, Chakotay heard a sound above them. It took him only a moment to realize that it was the sound of a tree branch cracking. In a flash, he saw the branch descending quickly, right towards them. Without wasting a moment, he shoved Axamiya out of the way, sending both of them tumbling to the forest floor. A large, heavy branch crashed down less than a second later, right where the two men had just been standing.

Chakotay propped himself up on his elbow, examining his companion, who had landed face down in the dirt. "Are you all right?" he asked.

Axamiya rolled himself over to face Chakotay. He looked at the large branch that now lay on the ground where they had stood, and then back at the older man. "Comman... Chakotay," he said breathlessly, "you saved my life."

"You're welcome," Chakotay replied, standing up and offering his hand to Axamiya. He helped the young man up and they both brushed themselves off. Aside from a few scrapes and bruises, they were both unharmed.

Axamiya was visibly shaken, however. "Come on," he said to Chakotay. "It's not much farther."

"Not much farther to what?" asked Chakotay, but the younger man did not reply. Apparently, that was a question he wasn't allowed to answer, but soon, Chakotay saw for himself. They emerged into a clearing. There was a fire pit in the center of it, and it was surrounded by several stone benches. Near the benches was the mouth of a cave, but it didn't look like a natural phenomenon; it looked as if it had been constructed.

"We're here," Axamiya said. "Chakotay, please build a fire. I'm going to get us something to eat."

"All right," Chakotay said, puzzled by the sudden change in Axamiya's demeanor. The young man had suddenly become confident, almost commanding, as if he had discharged his task and had now only to hand off his charge to another force. Chakotay gathered some wood and set to the arduous task of building a fire. He found some brush to use for kindling, and he couldn't help but think of the last time he had had to do this, stranded on a planet with the crew of _Voyager_, using Kathryn's hair to ignite a flame. He'd been upset with himself for being unable to start a fire then, but this time, the task was not as difficult as he had anticipated. He was glad for the warmth of the fire; as the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon, the air had become cold. He huddled next to it, wishing he had worn warmer clothes, wondering whether Axamiya would return, or if this was the part of the journey where he was left alone.

The young man returned a few moments later with a couple of strange looking plants. "Here," he said, handing something hard and round to Chakotay. It was roughly the size of a coconut. Axamiya showed him how to break it on a stone; the fruit broke neatly in half when cracked correctly. Inside the shell was a soft, gooey substance, which Axamiya scooped out and ate with his hands. The fruit did not taste as sweet as Chakotay had anticipated. It had an earthy taste, almost like a mushroom. The two men ate in silence; the fruit was surprisingly filling.

After they had each finished their food, Axamiya handed Chakotay what appeared to be a small root. "Here," he said. "Eat this. It will help you stay warm and energized. You're going to need a lot of energy for tomorrow's journey."

Chakotay took the root and ate it. It tasted sweet, like honey, and soon he began to feel that Axamiya's words were true. He was feeling warmer, but it wasn't from the fire. He felt as though he were being warmed from the inside out. Suddenly, Chakotay began to feel his eyelids becoming heavy, and his limbs becoming sluggish. What type of root had he eaten? Was it poison? He thought hard, and realized that Axamiya had not eaten any of it; only given it to him. His last thought before the blackness overtook him was wondering whether the young man had betrayed him... then, nothing.


	4. Chapter 3

Chakotay awoke slowly. He felt disoriented at first, unsure of where he was; then the feeling faded. Of course he felt disoriented. He had spent each of the last several nights sleeping in a different location. Now, he was as close to home as he got these days. He felt a figure stir against him, and he nestled back under the blankets, pulling her closer to him. He was in his bunk aboard his ship, the _Val Jean_.

The figure beside him stirred again, sensing that he had awakened. "Go back to sleep, Chakotay," Seska mumbled.

"Shhh," he whispered soothingly. "I will. Go back to sleep yourself." He felt her relax against him and nod off again, but he knew that he would not fall back asleep himself. He wondered what time it was; they had snuck back into the bunk to catch a few hours of rest before the big raid. Chakotay doubted he had been asleep for more than two or three hours, but he knew that he would not be able to fall back asleep now. There was too much to be done; too much to plan. His crew was depending on him. Slowly, careful not to wake the beautiful Bajoran woman lying beside him, he maneuvered out of his bunk. Seska stirred but did not wake. Quietly, Chakotay pulled on his leather trousers, his shirt and his vest. He exited the crew quarters and emerged onto the bridge. Torres, Ayala and Chell were at their stations.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," B'Elanna quipped.

"How long was I sleeping?" Chakotay asked.

"Only two hours. You could've slept longer."

"No," he replied. "I couldn't. There's too much to be done." He turned to Ayala. "Did you realign the deflector dish to emit a pulse that will disrupt their sensors?"

"It's done, Chakotay," he replied.

"Good. Is the assault team ready?" he asked B'Elanna.

"Yes," she answered. "I'm taking O'Donnell, Dalby, Yosa and Tabor. You know he always escapes a firefight clean as a whistle." Chakotay chuckled, nodding. "What about you, Chakotay? Is your rescue team ready?" Torres asked.

"Jonas and Hogan insisted on coming along. You know they're close with Bendera. I think that the three of us will be able to handle it," Chakotay said. "Ayala, you'll stay here and monitor us from the _Val Jean_. Be ready to pick us up when we're done."

"I'll be there, Chakotay," his right-hand man replied. "I won't let you down."

Chakotay clapped the other man on the shoulder. "I know you won't. How long until we reach orbit?"

"We'll be at Quatal Prime in about an hour," Ayala replied. Chakotay nodded. He had just enough time to review any last minute details. They had to make sure there were no mistakes. Too many lives were depending on them.

A week earlier, two of his crew members had been captured by the Cardassians: Kurt Bendera and Mariah Henley. Through their sources, mostly Maquis sympathizers at Starfleet Intelligence, the Maquis had discovered that Bendera and Henley were being held in a prison outside the Cardassian colony on Quatal Prime. In a piece of highly classified intelligence, they had also learned that Quatal Prime held a Cardassian weapons storage facility, and Chakotay had decided to make use of both facets of the location. The assault team, led by B'Elanna, would raid the weapons depot, stealing as many Cardassian munitions as they could. If they could not transport the weapons to the _Val Jean_ before being discovered, their orders were to destroy the storage facility instead. Hopefully, this assault would distract the Cardassians from the Maquis' real mission on Quatal Prime: the rescue of their missing crewmen. Chakotay himself would lead the rescue team while Ayala waited on board the _Val Jean_ to beam them up. According to their sources at Starfleet Intelligence, very few people knew of the prison on Quatal Prime, and neither it nor the weapons storage facility was well guarded. Chakotay could only hope that their sources were reliable this time.

At that moment, Seska emerged onto the bridge. "Couldn't get back to sleep, could you?" she asked, approaching him.

He shook his head. "Too much to do."

She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, lowering her face beside his ear. "Too bad," she whispered, sending a shiver down his spine.

She was hard to resist, and Chakotay almost turned and kissed her right at that moment. But instead, he turned his face so that his mouth was inches away from hers and whispered back, "Later, Seska." She pouted, but she stood up, leaving her hands resting on his shoulders protectively.

"Let me come on the rescue team with you," she said.

"No, it's too dangerous."

She removed her arms from his shoulders and crossed around to sit on the console, facing him. She folded her arms over her chest and looked at him with disapproval. "Chakotay, just because we're lovers doesn't give you the right to keep me away from all the dangerous missions." Her tone softened. "Besides, Bendera and Henley were my friends, too."

"I said no," Chakotay replied, his jaw tight.

"You're only taking Jonas and Hogan. You think that three people are enough to take out an entire Cardassian prison? Your ego has gotten the best of you, Chakotay," she said derisively.

His jaw clenched even tighter, anger building inside of him. "Fine!" he exclaimed. "Come along if you want."

She smiled. "That's better," she said smoothly. "I knew you could be reasonable." Something in her voice made him look at her sharply, but when he looked up at her, all he saw was the face of a beautiful woman, looking at him with an insatiable lust in her eye. Whatever he thought he had heard in her tone must have been his imagination... _Or I'm getting paranoid_, he thought.

"Chakotay, we're coming up on Quatal Prime," Ayala said. "Better get the teams ready."

Chakotay nodded and pressed a button on his console. "This is Chakotay to the assault and rescue teams," he said over the ship's comm. "Report to the transporter room immediately. We're ready."

...

Chakotay, Seska, Hogan and Jonas lay on the face of a ridge that overlooked the Cardassian prison. They remained flat to the ground, only their eyes peeking up above the rocks to survey their target. They were anxiously awaiting the moment when the prison guards would be called away to help defend the weapons locker. Even Seska remained silent. All they could hear was each other's breathing and the occasional sound of a snake or a bird in the tall grass beside them. It felt like they had been laying there for hours, but in reality, it had only been about twenty minutes. Still, Chakotay was beginning to wonder if something had gone wrong for B'Elanna and her team.

His fears appeared to be unfounded. A moment later, the Maquis saw the two guards standing at the door to the prison frantically motion inside. Another three guards stepped outside, and all five consulted. After a moment, four of them ran off in the direction of the weapons locker, while only one remained standing at the prison door. Chakotay grinned at his compatriots and motioned for them to follow him.

They crept down the hillside, hiding behind rocks and bushes as they went. Chakotay gestured at Seska to follow him, while sending Hogan and Jonas around the other way. Chakotay and Seska approached from a direction that the guard would clearly see, while Jonas and Hogan snuck around behind him. The guard noticed the two approaching figures. "Hold it right there," he said, raising his weapon. Chakotay and Seska threw their hands up, but before the guard could get another word in, Jonas had shot him neatly in the back. The Cardassian collapsed on the sand, and Seska went to work immediately on hacking the code to open the prison door. A few minutes later, they were in. There was another guard sitting inside, but he was shot dead by Chakotay before he even had a chance to call for help.

Jonas looked at the guard's console and found the prison schematics. "Here," he said, pointing to a cell on the screen. "This is where they've got Bendera."

"What about Henley?" Chakotay hissed. They didn't know how many more Cardassian guards might be just around the corner.

Jonas pressed several more buttons on the console before finally locating the information he sought. "Here," he said, pointing to a cell on the opposite side of the prison from Bendera's.

"Mike, Hogan, go get Kurt," Chakotay ordered. "Seska and I will find Mariah." The two men nodded and disappeared into the corridor. Chakotay and Seska took the opposite corridor, phasers drawn. Chakotay led the way, at each corner expecting to find a Cardassian guard, but so far, there were none. "I guess our intelligence was right for once," Chakotay said quietly. "This place isn't very well guarded."

"They must really think no one knows about it," Seska added. "Imagine that; the Cardassians underestimating Starfleet Intelligence."

There was an odd tone in her voice, Chakotay thought, for the second time that day. But he couldn't place what was odd about it. He looked at her, narrowing his eyes for a moment.

"What is it, Chakotay?" she asked, her voice full of concern.

He pushed the feeling of doubt away. "Nothing," he said. "Let's keep moving." They reached Henley's cell a few moments later. Chakotay knocked softly on the metal wall. "Mariah," he called, "Mariah, are you in there?"

"Chakotay?" her hoarse voice came back. "Yes, yes, I'm here!"

"Step away from this wall," he ordered. "We're going to cut through the metal with our phasers." He and Seska aimed their phasers at the wall and began to carve a hole in the metal. A few moments later, a space large enough for a person to fit through had melted in the prison cell. Mariah Henley stepped through the hole, taking Chakotay's proffered hand as she did so. She looked tired and thin, but she was alive.

"Are you okay?" Chakotay asked.

"Yeah," Mariah replied, although she was shaking. "Thanks for coming after me."

"I'm not about to abandon a member of my crew in a Cardassian prison," Chakotay replied, the anger rising in him again; anger at the Cardassians, anger at the Federation, anger at himself for not being able to do more to stop this.

"Come on, Chakotay," Seska said, tugging on his arm. "It's not going to be long before they realize that we're here." Other prisoners had already realized that there was a prison break, and had begun to clamor for release. Chakotay felt a pang of guilt, wishing he had time to free them all. But he didn't, and the one he had come to free would soon be lost too if they didn't hurry. They had to get back to the beam-out site. He began to move quickly back through the hallways of the prison; the clamoring of the prisoners becoming louder and louder as more of them caught on to what was happening. Chakotay picked up his pace again. The exit was right around the corner.

As Chakotay rounded the corner, he skidded to a halt. In front of his eyes were Jonas, Hogan and Bendera, each held by a Cardassian soldier at gunpoint. Chakotay stared at them for a moment, unable to comprehend. Then he realized that a phaser was pointed at his own chest, and as his gaze followed the phaser up the hand and the arm of his assailant, he realized that the person holding him at gunpoint was Seska. Another Cardassian guard appeared from a corridor behind them and grabbed Mariah, pointing a phaser at her temple.

A fifth Cardassian entered through the prison door. This one wore the uniform of a Gul. "Chakotay," he said mockingly, "welcome to our unguarded prison on Quatal Prime. As you see, it's not as vulnerable as you were led to believe."

A million thoughts flashed through Chakotay's mind at that moment, but above all of them, one burned bright. "You," he said to Seska accusingly. His voice escalated into a shout. "You betrayed me!" With no regard for the armed guards standing around him, Chakotay knocked the phaser from Seska's hand and lunged towards her, his hands reaching for her throat. She was trying to protest, but Chakotay did not hear anything she said. He could not hear it. His rage had blinded all of his senses, so he was shocked when, a moment later, he felt the hot, white pain of a disruptor beam, and then descended into blackness.

...

When Chakotay awoke, his head was pounding. It took him several moments to realize that he was lying on a stone floor, and that he was not dead. He had no idea where he was or how long he had been here. Suddenly, the events that had taken place in the prison came flooding back to him, and he felt shame, rage and guilt. Shame that he had allowed himself to trust Seska; that he had been fooled by her charm, by her seductions, by her flattery. Guilt that his foolishness had endangered his entire crew. And above all, he felt rage at the Cardassians who had imprisoned them, at the Federation who did nothing to stop it, at Seska for her betrayal, and at himself for his impotence. He slowly forced himself to sit up, bracing his back against the wall. The Cardassian weapon had been set on a stun setting. Why they had not killed him outright, he had no idea. He almost wished they had. He heard footsteps approaching, and a moment later, the door to his cell opened.

A Cardassian guard stood there, phaser rifle at the ready. "Get up," he ordered Chakotay. Chakotay decided to comply; he couldn't see the benefit in getting himself killed before he found out what the Cardassians wanted of him. Besides, if he was going to get himself killed, he fully intended to take Seska along with him.

The guard escorted Chakotay out of the prison and to another building that sat between the prison and the weapons storage facility. This building hadn't been mentioned in any of their intelligence, but Chakotay was starting to doubt the reliability of any information surround Quatal Prime. "Where are you taking me?" Chakotay asked.

"Be quiet, Maquis scum," the guard replied. He escorted Chakotay into the building, and Chakotay found himself in a large room. There were no decorations and no windows. At one end of the room was a long table with several chairs around it. Two of the chairs were occupied; one by the Cardassian Gul and the other by Seska. The guard marched Chakotay up to the table, so he stood face to face with the Gul and Seska.

Chakotay stared at the woman who had shared his bed for several months. Her face had... changed somehow. It took him several moments to understand. Finally, he managed to speak. "You're... Cardassian?" he asked incredulously.

Seska smiled; it was not a pleasant expression. "Now you know, Chakotay. All those months when you believed you were sharing your bed with a Bajoran Maquis sympathizer... you were really sharing your most intimate moments with... me." She spoke smugly, and her grin seemed to widen. The look in her eyes made Chakotay's stomach turn.

When he was able to tear his eyes away from Seska, he realized that the entire group of Maquis who had beamed down to the planet with him were lined up along one wall of the room. Along the other wall stood a Cardassian firing squad. Chakotay felt a cold dread rising in his body.

"What do you want?" he demanded of the Gul who sat alongside his former lover.

"Only your cooperation," the Gul said smoothly.

"Gul Dolak is interested in information, Chakotay," Seska added. "Everything you know about the Maquis."

"Hasn't he already gotten enough from you?" Chakotay spat.

Seska smiled, feigning innocence. "Oh, Chakotay, you know that I don't know enough to be useful in that regard... at least not enough to be useful beyond helping them capture _you_."

Chakotay felt his hands clenching into fists. He wanted nothing more than to pummel Seska and Gul Dolak and every other Cardassian in the room. "I will never help you!" he vowed.

"That's too bad," Gul Dolak said, "because the longer you refuse, the more of your friends will die."

At that moment, the Gul made an almost imperceptible motion with his left hand. Chakotay whirled around just in time to see one of the guards in the firing squad raise his rifle and wipe Mariah Henley out of existence. "NO!" Chakotay shouted, reaching out. The guard who had escorted him in held his arms, holding him in place.

"No?" Gul Dolak replied. "If you do not wish to stand here and watch your Maquis friends die, then you will cooperate with us."

"Don't do it, Chakotay!" B'Elanna screamed across the room. "We'd rather die than give in to _them_," she spat.

"You'll be next," Dolak said to B'Elanna.

"No," Chakotay protested, "don't kill her."

"Then you'll agree to cooperate with us?"

"What do you want?" asked Chakotay.

"We need to know every movement of the Maquis. We need your plans, your tactical readouts, the names of your crewmen. We need to know the names of your sympathizers in Starfleet. Everything you know, Chakotay, is what we need."

Chakotay's mind was racing. Could he give them part of what they wanted and satisfy them? B'Elanna was one of his closest friends. He couldn't let his own foolishness and stupidity kill her. "Let them go," he said quietly. "Let them go and I'll stay."

"Not good enough," Gul Dolak replied mercilessly. "How do I know you would cooperate after I let them go? How do I know you would tell me the truth? No, you must give me the information now, here, in front of them."

Chakotay looked from Gul Dolak to Seska, to the firing squad, to the loyal members of his crew who stood against the wall, waiting to be executed. He saw one look in all of their eyes. They would never forgive him if he betrayed them now; and at this moment, he knew that betrayal would not mean letting them die, but instead, saving their lives. They had all pledged their to defend what they believed was right, and they would rather die than betray what they had sworn to defend. Chakotay turned back to to the table. He looked straight at Seska. The look she saw in his eyes then made her feel a terror that she had never before felt in his presence. Then he looked straight at Gul Dolak and said quietly, "No."

Dolak gestured with his hand again, and Chakotay turned in time to see B'Elanna Torres' body fall to the ground, dead. "NO! B'Elanna!" he cried out, falling to his knees. He stayed there as he watched the firing squad eliminate Hogan, Jonas, Bendera, O'Donnell, Dalby, Yosa, Tabor. He did not know that there were tears streaming down his cheeks. He did not know that he was screaming, crying out in protest. All he could see were the bodies of his friends strewn over the floor of the room; every one of them, dead.

Seska stood and rounded the table, approaching Chakotay triumphantly. She stood over him, gloating. "Now do you see what your weakness has brought you to, Chakotay? You've not only destroyed yourself, but your crew as well. And now, you belong to us, and we will torture you until you're begging us to let you tell us everything you know about the Maquis." Seska was so absorbed in her victory that she did not notice the dangerous look in Chakotay's eyes.

There was a madness in his eyes, a madness brought on by rage. Slowly, Chakotay stood. He no longer cared whether he lived or died. There was nothing left for him to live for. He only cared about one thing. Seska was not paying attention; she was talking about her victory over him, how weak he was, how he had killed his crew. That may have been true, but there were two members of his crew still in this room, and he wanted to make sure that he got both of them before the day was over. Seska didn't even have time to scream as he grabbed the phaser from her belt and shot her neatly in the chest, killing her instantly. In less than a second, a Cardassian guard had assaulted him, disarming him, holding his arms behind his back.

"Kill him!" he heard Gul Dolak bellow.

The Cardassian guard stepped away. Chakotay stood in the center of the room, his hands at his sides, palms facing forward, head thrown back. The tears had dried on his cheeks. There was only one more member of his crew in the room; himself, and as the weapons fire came at him from all directions, he knew that his rage had finally ended.

...

Axamiya stood anxiously over Chakotay's body. He had moved the man inside the cave, as Oxanayul had instructed him to do, and laid him on the stone tablet that sat several meters beyond the cave's mouth. He had built a fire to keep them warm, and had harvested enough fruits, vegetables and small animals to feed himself for several days. He knew that Chakotay would not be needing any food, but the First Prelate was concerned. Chakotay had begun to toss and turn, as though delirious. He cried out names: "B'Elanna! Hogan! Jonas!" Tears ran down his cheeks. Axamiya had not experienced anything like this on his own vision journey, and he did not know if this was normal. He had the desire to waken Chakotay to make sure he was all right, but he knew that this was forbidden by the gods. So he stood, watching his newfound friend struggle through his journey. Finally, Axamiya knelt down and began to pray.

He did not know how many minutes he had passed in prayer when he felt the ground shaking beneath his feet. Axamiya stood, unsure of what to do. Silently, he asked the gods to help him, to show him the right course of action. Should he remove Chakotay from the cave? He felt that this would be wrong. He had been instructed not to do so, and had been told clearly that the gods would let him know if he should do something different. "Please let me know," he said quietly. "I just want to know what I should do."

The shaking became more violent, and Axamiya could see rocks falling at the entrance to the cave. If he was going to take Chakotay out of there, he had to do it now. He hesitated, but then he saw clearly. _This is a test_, he thought, _not just for Commander Chakotay, but for me. The gods are testing my faith_. He decided to trust the protection of the gods and remain in the cave. A moment later, the entrance had been closed by falling rocks. Axamiya prayed that he had made the right decision, and that somehow, the gods would show him a way out of here when the time came to leave.

...

"Commander," Harry Kim said, a tone of urgency in his voice.

"What is it, Ensign?" Tuvok asked calmly.

"There appears to be some sort of disturbance on the planet."

"What sort of disturbance?" asked Tuvok.

Harry pressed a few keys on his console. "Initiating scans," he said. "Sensors showing unusual seismic activity." Then a moment later, he exclaimed, "There's been an earthquake!"

Tuvok pressed his communicator. "Captain to the bridge," he said.

Kathryn Janeway's voice returned over the comm. "I'm on my way, Tuvok." A few moments later, she entered the bridge. "Report."

"Sensors have detected unusual seismic activity on the Cholani home world, Captain," Tuvok explained.

"Hail them," Janeway ordered. Her first thought was of her first officer, down on that planet somewhere with no communicator and no technology.

"They are responding," Tuvok replied.

"On screen." High Priest Oxanayul's face appeared before her. He did not seem the least bit concerned. "High Priest," she greeted him. "Our sensors have detected unusual seismic activity on your planet. Do you require any assistance?"

"Captain Janeway," the Priest replied calmly, "thank you for your concern, but we have no need for assistance here. The gods are watching over us."

"Then the city was not affected by the earthquake?" she asked.

"No one was harmed," Oxanayul replied.

"What about Chakotay?" she asked. "Do you know where he is?"

The High Priest's face clouded for a moment, and Janeway felt a knot begin to form in the pit of her stomach. "Unfortunately, we are not permitted to reveal the location of a healing journey."

The Captain could sense that there was something the High Priest wasn't telling her. "High Priest Oxanayul," she said, demanding as politely as she could, "do you have reason to believe that Commander Chakotay has been injured in the earthquake?"

"No, Captain, I have no reason to believe that Commander Chakotay has been injured."

"Then why do I get the feeling there's something you're not telling me?" she asked pointedly.

The High Priest sighed. "I do not expect you to believe me when I tell you that your first officer is alive and well," he said. "But he is."

"Then why don't you expect me to believe you?"

"Axamiya led Chakotay into the center of the Sacred Forest, to a cave there, where many healing journeys have taken place. The cave is in the center of the area most affected by the earthquake."


	5. Chapter 4

"I'm sorry, Captain," Oxanayul said genuinely, "but the Sacred Forest is just that... Sacred. We cannot allow your crew to beam down to that area. It would be a desecration of our most holy place."

Janeway took a breath, trying to control her frustration. "High Priest, I can promise you that we have no intention of desecrating your sacred forest, but Commander Chakotay and your own First Prelate may be in need of medical attention. If you will allow _Voyager_'s away team to enter the area, we will do our best not to disturb anything.

The High Priest smiled gently. "I do not doubt your good intentions, Captain, but I cannot disobey the gods in favor of your intentions."

The Captain closed her eyes for a moment, trying to think clearly. She was sitting in her ready room, conversing with the High Priest via comm link. So far, she felt like she hadn't made any progress. "What if we were to agree to the same terms that Chakotay did? We can walk to the forest from the city. We won't take any of our technology with us." She hesitated before adding, "Even our communicators."

"I realize what it takes for you to make that offer, Captain Janeway," Oxanayul said. "But the answer is still no. No one may enter the Sacred Forest unless they are on a healing journey or a vision journey, or serving as _kochaba_ to one who is."

"High Priest..." she began, knowing it was futile.

"I'm sorry, Captain," he said firmly. "Our gods have made very specific demands of us, and we must do as they ask." The Priest's voice softened. "Please, Captain, I know what I am saying. No one has ever been harmed on a healing journey, and I am sure that your Chakotay is alive and well. The gods will return him to you, just as they will return Axamiya to me. We have only to wait and be patient. Have a little faith."

"Thank you for taking the time to speak with my, High Priest," she said, defeated.

"I will be happy to remain in communication with you regarding this matter," Oxanayul replied.

"Janeway out." She sat back in her chair, feeling her jaw tighten. _Your Chakotay_, the High Priest had said. She tried out the thought: _My Chakotay_, then shook her head, trying to put the words out of her mind. Hers or not, Chakotay was stuck down there on the planet. He could even be dead by now. The thought caused a pit of fear to form in her stomach. No. She would not accept that possibility. Not until she had to.

She stood, ready for action. The question was, what action? She tapped her comm badge. "This is the Captain. Senior staff, please report to the briefing room immediately." They had figured out how to get members of their crew out of prisons, away from mind controlling aliens; they had defeated the Kazon, the Borg and Species 8472. She would not be stopped by a religious ritual. She left her ready room and crossed the bridge, entering the briefing room. Tom and Tuvok were already there, the rest of the senior staff soon joined them.

Janeway remained standing. "As some of you know, Commander Chakotay was on the surface when an earthquake hit Cholani. Apparently, his location was very close to the epicenter of the earthquake. I have spoken at length with High Priest Oxanayul, and no away team is to be permitted to enter the area."

"Why not?" B'Elanna asked aggressively.

The Captain slowly sat down in her chair. "Chakotay is in an area that the Cholani believe is sacred. No one is allowed to enter the area unless they are on a vision journey or a healing journey."

"What if we did what Chakotay did and agreed not to take any of our technology with us?" Harry offered.

Janeway shook her head. "I already asked. The High Priest will not even permit us to do that."

"Surely you're not going to let it go at that?" B'Elanna asked incredulously.

"I'm open to suggestions," the Captain said.

"Why don't we just scan the planet for human life signs and beam Chakotay up?" Kim asked.

"That would be difficult," Tuvok replied. "The dense foliage of the Sacred Forest makes those scans unreliable."

"We could recalibrate the sensors," B'Elanna said. "We might be able to penetrate the forest more easily."

"That's a good start," the Captain replied. "Begin sensor modifications as soon as possible."

"Captain," Tuvok put in, "I would not recommend beaming the Commander out without his permission or the permission of the religious authorities."

"I agree that it might cause some diplomatic difficulties, Tuvok, but if it's the only way to ensure the Commander's safety, I think we have to consider it."

"There is another matter to consider," piped up the Doctor. "Many cultures' vision rituals involve various states of altered consciousness. Some even make use of psychotropic drugs or other hallucinatory agents. If we attempt to pull the Commander out of his journey without understanding what goes into this vision journey, we risk causing him physical or psychological harm."

Janeway nodded. "Thank you, Doctor. B'Elanna, modify the sensors. See if we can find human life signs on the planet, and notify me immediately if you find anything. I won't take any further action until we have more information about what this vision journey entails and whether or not taking Chakotay out of it would be safe."

"Captain, don't you think we should have some sort of a backup plan?" Tom Paris asked.

"Did you have something in mind, Ensign?" she asked.

"I don't know. A rescue team, or something."

"Ensign," Tuvok reprimanded him, "need I remind you that sending a rescue team would be a clear violation of Cholani religious practices and thus a violation of the Prime Directive?"

"We've bent the rules before to save a crew member," Tom replied.

Janeway put up her hands, sensing a conflict building between them; Tuvok, the most logical member of her crew, and Tom, the most impulsive. "Gentlemen," she said, trying to head off the conflict before it began, "please. We'll begin with the sensor modifications, and see if we can learn anything from that. If we can't, we'll have consider other options. I'm not planning on abandoning Commander Chakotay to his fate, Tom, but we have to take one thing at a time."

"Yes, ma'am," Tom said quietly. Janeway had to smile inwardly. At one time, Tom and Chakotay had hated each other; now Tom was the first to defend the Commander.

"Dismissed," she said, standing to watch her senior staff file out of the briefing room. She began to ponder just what her "back-up plan" might be.

...

The wood felt smooth and supple in Chakotay's hand. There was a soft, warm breeze on his face, and he felt the warmth of the sun on his back. The air smelled sweet, like flowers, and he could hear the sound of water lapping at the shore somewhere in the distance. He suddenly snapped himself back to reality. He must have been daydreaming. He had a task to finish, and he had almost completed it. Just one more smooth piece of wood to attach; the piece he held in his hand. He picked up his hammer and the nails he had made from a metal he found that resembled iron. Gently, he set the final piece of wood in place and hammered it in. He ran his hand over the smooth, wooden surface and stood back to admire his handiwork. It wasn't a ship of any distinction; it had no finery, no adornments, but it would float and it would move, and he had made it. He looked up at the sun; it was almost midday. She would be here any minute. He looked down at his hands. They were dirty, covered with dust and grime from his work. He walked a few paces over to the river and bent down, rinsing his hands and splashing some of the cool water onto his face. At that moment, he heard a sound in the trees behind him. He turned around, wiping the water from his eyes. "How long have you been standing there?" he asked.

"Just long enough to imagine what it would look like if you fell into the river," Kathryn Janeway replied playfully. She stood, leaning against a tree, in a rose colored dress, holding a satchel in one hand. Even in the overly casual posture, she seemed taller than she was.

He stood, gesturing to his project with both pride and nervousness. "Well," he said, "what do you think?"

"Chakotay, it's beautiful," she replied with genuine enthusiasm. "You built this?"

"All by hand," he answered, a tinge of pride in his voice. "Except the motor. That was replicated."

She circled the boat, running her hand along its edge possessively. She paused a moment when she reached the stern and saw that he had engraved a name on the side of it. USS _Voyager_. She didn't realize that she had said the words out loud as her fingers ran over the engraving. She looked up at him, holding back tears. "Thank you," she mouthed.

He smiled. "Are you ready to try it out?" he asked.

"Now?" She seemed surprised.

"You didn't think we were going to sit and have a picnic here, did you?" he asked, then paused. "You did bring lunch, didn't you?"

"Well, I brought enough for myself..." she began. He feigned a wounded look and she laughed. "Yes, I brought lunch."

"Great," he said. "Well, help me get this into the river." Kathryn threw her satchel into the boat and helped him shove it the few meters to the river's edge. "Hop in," he said, when most of the boat had reached the water. He had rolled up the edges of his pants so they came above his knees, and his shoes sat in the boat. He jogged with the boat into the river up to his knees before nimbly leaping in over the side. By the time he was inside the boat, the cuffs of his pants were soaking wet. He quickly grabbed the oars he had made and tried to steer their course a bit. It took him a moment to realize that Kathryn was laughing at him. "What?" he asked indignantly.

"You make quite a picture; no shoes, wet trousers, and such a worried expression on your face."

He glowered at her, mocking. "Here," he said, handing her the oars. "You take over."

"I'm perfectly capable, thank you very much." And she was. He reminded himself to add rowing to his mental list of Kathryn Janeway's many talents. Chakotay, meanwhile, lowered the motor into the water and started it up. He ran it in idle while they brought the oars into the boat, and then he began to steer at a leisurely pace.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"You said you wanted to explore the river. We're going exploring." She eyed him suspiciously, and he just grinned back at her and shrugged. He revved up the motor a bit and they began to travel faster. He enjoyed the sight of Kathryn, seated at the bow of the boat, the breeze pulling her hair back from her face. She was smiling; perhaps the biggest smile he'd seen in the past four months, since _Voyager_ had left them here. The weather had gotten warmer since they'd arrived, and this seemed to be the height of New Earth's summer.

Kathryn closed her eyes and felt the wind against her face. She loved being out on the water, loved the feel of the polished wood under her hands, loved the sound of the motor and the knowledge of who steered it. She opened her eyes and watched the landscape moving past them. Trees, bushes, rocks, sandy beaches; she thought she saw an occasional primate climbing in the trees, but they moved to quickly for her to truly know. The river had begun to get wider and deeper, and she had the sense that they were approaching some sort of destination. A moment later, they emerged into a huge body of water. Janeway gasped as Chakotay slowed the motor, allowing her to react to her surroundings. "Chakotay, it's beautiful," she murmured.

"I know," he replied, stopping the motor. Holding on to the sides of the boat, he moved to sit next to her on the front bench. They barely fit there together, but he wrapped his arms around her waist and let her sit up against him. In the past few months, this sort of closeness between them had become comfortable, although they hadn't moved beyond the occasional embrace, or clasping of hands.

"You found this place before today," Kathryn whispered, not looking at him, but looking out at the view.

She felt him nod his head. "Mmhmm." The water stretched for miles in all directions. For the most part, they could still see a distant shore, but there was one spot on the horizon where the water seemed to continue forever. On one shore, far to the east was a mountain range; towering peaks, snow cascading down their sides. Forest and beaches seemed to stretch around the rest of the lake. Several islands were visible, some close and some far; some large and some barely big enough to hold more than one person. She felt Chakotay's strong arms tighten around her. "Ready for lunch?" he asked.

"Are we eating in the boat?"

"No, I have someplace else in mind."

"Where?" she asked, her voice filled with curiosity. But she had known to expect no reply. Chakotay had moved to the middle bench of the boat and had picked up the oars. It didn't take her long to figure out that he was steering the boat towards one of the larger islands. He maneuvered the boat as close as he could to the sandy beach, and jumped over the side into the water again, pulling the craft up onto the shore. He offered Kathryn his hand, and she jumped down as well, the two of them pulling the boat further up onto the land. Chakotay pulled a weight from inside the boat, which was attached to the bow by a rope, and let it drop onto the sand. He still wasn't wearing any shoes. Kathryn grabbed her satchel out of the boat and looked at Chakotay expectantly.

He offered her his hand. "Come on!" he exclaimed. He pulled her up the beach, both of them laughing as they lost their footing in the sand. They walked up to a grassy area and finally to a grass-covered hillside. Chakotay led Kathryn up the hill and when they had reached the top, he stopped, looking out at the view. She stopped and looked too. It was beautiful. This was the highest point on the island, and though it wasn't very high, it offered a fabulous view of the surrounding area. If Janeway squinted, she could almost make out the clearing where their shelter stood. She turned to the man beside her and smiled, a gesture which he returned.

Kathryn opened her satchel and took out a blanket, which she laid on the ground. They sat, and she pulled out an assortment of fruits and nuts; things they had found on the planet which they could eat, corn bread which Chakotay had made the night before, some replicated cheese and bottled water. "That's quite a spread," Chakotay said.

They ate in silence, enjoying the view and the sound of the waves lapping at the beach below. "When did you first come here, Chakotay?" she asked.

"I discovered the lake a couple weeks ago. The island, I just found yesterday when I took _Voyager_ out for her test run." A shadow passed over Kathryn's face when he spoke the name of their boat, and their former ship. "I'm sorry," he said.

She shook her head. "Don't be. I'll get used to it." The silence returned, but silence between them had become easy and comfortable. There was no awkwardness in it. They often shared silence as they each sat in the shelter; he working on a sand painting or a new design, she reading a book or figuring out some scientific puzzle.

As they finished eating and put the remainder of their food back into the satchel, Kathryn moved closer and leaned up against him. He bent his face and inhaled the scent of her hair, lightly brushing his lips over the top of her head. She smiled, aware of the gesture. "Kathryn," he said softly.

"Yes, Chakotay?"

"I wanted to ask you about something." He let his arms encircle her waist, savoring the feel of her body against his.

"Ask away."

"I've been thinking more and more about adding some rooms to the shelter. I know we talked about it a while ago, but I've been so busy with the boat. What do you think?"

She pulled away from his arms and sat up to face him fully. "I know what you're asking me," she said. "You're asking if I'm ready to fully embrace our life here."

"I want to build a real home," he replied. "I'll incorporate the existing shelter into it, but I want to have an art studio, and I think you should have an office. We need a living room that's big enough for both of us to be comfortable, with a fire place."

"Are you expecting company, Chakotay?" she asked with a wry smile.

He shook his head. "No, although that would be nice. I have a plan all worked out. I think I can build something we'll both like. But I don't want to start until you're ready for it."

Kathryn's eyes searched his. It had been almost six months since they had been left behind here. So far, they had had no visitors. The chances that _Voyager_ was coming back for them were down to zero. Even if Tuvok had disobeyed her orders, they were either on their way to the Alpha Quadrant by now or had had their organs harvested by the Vidiians. She had no way of continuing her research without the scientific equipment which had been destroyed in a plasma storm. If she was ever going to accept her life on New Earth, she better start doing it now. She had already begun to accept it in tacit ways, but it was time to do so fully consciously. She reached out and touched his cheek. He caught her hand in his and pressed it to his lips. Finally, she spoke. "Yes, Chakotay. I'm ready."

He felt his smile grow until he didn't think it could grow any wider. He pressed Kathryn's hand to his lips again, and then released her fingers from his. Reaching up with one hand, he caressed her cheek. His eyes sought her permission as his hand wrapped around the back of her neck and guided her face towards his. He saw the acceptance he needed in her eyes, and very slowly, trying to remember every part of this moment, he brought his lips to hers.

...

Chakotay turned over in bed, swinging his arm towards the other side of the bed, but he slowly roused himself out of sleep when he realized that there was no one there. The woman who had shared his bed for just over two years was nowhere to be seen. He opened his eyes and looked out the window. The sun hadn't yet started to rise yet. _It must be around four in the morning_, he thought. Where was Kathryn? He swung his legs over the side of the large bed that he had built for them, and walked across the rugs to grab his robe. Perhaps she had awoken early and gone to the kitchen. The kitchen was in what remained of their original shelter. It was attached the rest of the house, separated only by a door. Sometimes, they would spend their evenings in the kitchen and laugh, remembering when that one room had been the entirety of their home. Chakotay smiled, thinking of those days when they had first come here, how resistant Kathryn had been to everything. He thought of the early days of their romance; how awkward it had been, how carefully he had tread. There was never an earth-shattering moment. There were no sudden realizations, no fireworks. Everything had developed slowly and naturally, and afterwards, it felt like it had always been this way. There had been no big proposal, no wedding. She was not his wife, and he was not her husband. Yet, they lived together, worked together, shared their lives and shared a bed. A bed from which she had disappeared sometime during the night.

Chakotay began to worry. She was not in the house. Where had she gone? He opened the front door and stepped outside. He heard a sound. It was the sound of Kathryn crying softly. He found her sitting on the edge of her tub, wearing only her pink silk nightgown. He approached slowly. "Kathryn, what's wrong?"

She did not reply, she wrapped her own arms tighter around her body and turned away from him, her frame shaking with sobs. Chakotay had never seen her like this, and he felt an uneasiness start to grow within him. He took two swift steps towards her and gathered her in his arms. Her skin was cold to the touch. How long had she been out here? The days of her pushing him away when she was upset were long past, but she still had not told him what was wrong. He disengaged from the embrace, holding her at arms' length, and lowering his face so it was even with hers. "Kathryn, please tell me what's wrong."

She looked in his eyes for a moment, and he saw fear on her face. His own sense of uneasiness grew. She broke away from his grasp and walked away from him. He remained where he stood, sensing her need to pull herself together. He saw her straighten and take a deep breath. She did not turn around and look at him, but remained facing into the forest. Finally, she spoke. "Chakotay, I'm pregnant."

Chakotay felt his own breathing stop. His eyes widened and he was speechless. His mouth opened, and then closed again, and then opened. Finally, he managed to get out, "Are you sure?"

She did not turn around to face him, and she did not speak, but he saw her nod her head. The next instant, he was at her side and had picked her up in both arms, cradling her against his chest like a child. She looked up at him, shocked by the gesture. He sat down on the edge of the tub with her on his lap. He was showering her face with kisses. Then he stood abruptly. "Kathryn, you're freezing," he realized. "I'm taking you inside." It was his best command tone, and she knew better than to argue. He carried her inside and put her on the sofa, covering her with blankets. He lit a fire in the fireplace and began to boil water for tea.

"I'm not an invalid, Chakotay," she protested, but he didn't seem to hear. When he returned to the sofa with the tea, the fire was blazing and the room felt warm and cozy.

He put his tea down on the floor near the couch and took her hands. "Kathryn," he said gently, "why were you crying? Why didn't you want to tell me? Didn't you think I'd be happy?"

"Chakotay, think about it," she said seriously. "We have no doctor, we have no neighbors. We don't even know what effect the disease we have could have on a child. Even if everything is fine and we have a perfectly healthy baby, what will happen to that child when we die? It's going to be the only human in the Delta Quadrant."

Chakotay sobered. "I know," he said. "It's not ideal."

"Ideal?" she exclaimed. "It's not even acceptable!" Kathryn was pushing the blankets off of herself and standing up to pace around the room.

Her words echoed in his mind and he looked at her cautiously. "You're not thinking of... terminating it, are you?" he asked.

Kathryn stopped pacing and looked at him. There were tears in her eyes. "No," she said softly. "No, I'm not."

He nodded solemnly and opened his arms to her. She walked over to him and climbed onto his lap; it was one of those rare moments when he was reminded of how small she actually was. "Kathryn" he said seriously, "you're right. We don't know what's going to happen. But we can't assume the worst. It won't help." He wiped the tears from her face. "Whatever happens, we'll face it, together."

...

Chakotay was out in the garden when he thought he saw a glint of something overhead. He squinted up into the atmosphere, but whatever he had thought he had seen was gone. Strange. He turned his attention back to his weeding. The garden was usually Kathryn's job, but in her sixth month of pregnancy, being down on her hands and knees in the garden was not her favorite task. Today she'd taken the boat out to gather some fruits and vegetables they'd found at one particular spot down the river. There it was again. This time, Chakotay was almost sure he had seen something in the upper atmosphere. He put down his shovel and went inside. They kept their tricorders right inside the front door where it would be easy to reach them at times like this. He ran a scan... nothing at first... He boosted the range of the scan, and then got some faint readings. Was it a ship in orbit?

As Chakotay examined the atmosphere, he saw familiar dark clouds begin to roll in. A plasma storm. They happened a few times a year and remained virtually undetectable in advance. Chakotay's first thought was of Kathryn. She was out in the boat. They both knew now to get inside at the earliest sign of a storm, but she might not have time to return to the house before the storm hit. Chakotay was not about to let her brave this storm alone in her condition. He quickly pulled a covering system he had devised over the garden and set out towards the river. The storm was moving in fast.

Chakotay began to run towards the river. He had no idea where Kathryn was or how far upstream she had gotten. He would have to go on foot, since Kathryn had taken the boat, and if she had any sense at all, she had brought the boat ashore by now. He ran through the forest, along the river, screaming her name.

Suddenly, he saw a streak of lighting cross the sky, and he heard a loud crash. It took him a moment to realize that the crash was not thunder, but was associated with something that seemed to be burning in the sky, plummeting to the ground. Then, he made the connection. He had seen something earlier in the atmosphere. It was a ship. A ship that had just crash landed on New Earth. He felt a cold dread rising within him. A ship could mean anything. It could mean Vidiians. Or it could mean help. He wanted to check out the site of the shuttle crash, but he had to find Kathryn first. He said a silent prayer to the spirits to protect her; her and their unborn child.

Chakotay continued to move along the river, fighting against the strong winds of the storm, shielding his eyes from the tree branches that sometimes whacked him in the face. "Kathryn!" he cried. "Kathryn!" He knew, with a sinking feeling, that she could have gotten much farther in the boat than he had on foot. He prayed that she had not gone farther than she needed to on some kind of exploratory mission. The wind howled in his ears and he struggled to keep his balance in the storm.

Suddenly, he saw two figures approaching him. Chakotay ducked behind a tree and hid, his phaser at the ready. He heard them talking, surprised that the communicator's universal translator was working in the storm. "I'm sure I saw life signs in this direction," a female voice said.

"It's hard to get readings through all this interference," a male voice replied.

They didn't sound threatening. "Stop where you are!" Chakotay shouted, emerging from behind the tree, his phaser pointed in the direction of the voices. As he clung to the tree trunk for balance, he saw two shapes a few meters in front of him. The most he could tell in the storm was that they were humanoid.

The two figures raised their hands, and the male shouted back, "We don't want to hurt you. We were knocked out of orbit by the storm. Our shuttle exploded, and we had to eject. We were looking for shelter."

"I can help you," Chakotay yelled over the din. "But first you have to help me." Chakotay made his way over to the two figures, squinting at them through the storm. They were both a little taller than he was, and each had a single, large ridge down the center of their forehead.

"How can we help you?" the female asked. She had to shout even though they were standing less than a meter away from each other.

"My... wife... is lost in the storm," Chakotay said. Kathryn was not his wife, but he often thought of her that way. This was the first time he had used the word aloud. "My scanning device doesn't work in these storms. Can yours pick up any other life signs?"

The female examined her scanning device. It was a small, thin console that fit into the palm of her hand, less burdensome than a tricorder. She nodded an affirmative reply, and Chakotay with his two newfound companions set out in the direction of the signal. "Kathryn!" Chakotay called. "Kathryn!" His meeting with the strangers had distracted him momentarily from his fear, but now it was growing stronger each second. The storm was also growing stronger, and it was becoming more difficult to walk.

Suddenly, Chakotay saw the overturned boat. It had clearly been pulled up, away from the river. Chakotay ran up to the boat, which was already being damaged by the storm. He didn't have time to think about that now. He lifted the boat up, and found Kathryn laying on the ground, underneath. "Chakotay!" she exclaimed as his face peered under the boat.

"Kathryn! Are you all right?"

"Yes. I'm fine. I knew I wouldn't have time to get back to the house, so I thought I'd wait the storm out here."

He breathed a sigh of relief and gave her his hand. "Come on! We have some visitors." She looked at him with a shocked expression, but the middle of this storm was no place to discuss it. He wrapped his arm around her waist and she threw her arm over his shoulder. He supported her as they made their way back to where the two aliens were standing, trying to take cover under some trees.

"Come on!" Chakotay shouted at them. "It's not far to our home."

Several minutes later, the four of them were inside the house. Chakotay had built the house with these plasma storms in mind, and the roof and windows were reinforced to withstand even the worst of them. Chakotay led Kathryn to the couch and forced her to sit down, ignoring their guests for the moment. He knelt in front of her, taking both of her hands in his. "Are you sure you're all right?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm fine, Chakotay."

"The baby?"

"Is fine," she insisted. "Now, we have guests." She stood and walked over to their visitors, extending her hand. "I'm Kathryn Janeway. This is Chakotay," she said. Inwardly, Chakotay smiled. The Captain's persona returned so easily to her.

The male took her hand. "I'm Payt," he said. "This is my wife, Dyena."

"Please, come in," Kathryn said. "It's been a long time since we've had any visitors. Tell us about yourselves." The four sat in Kathryn and Chakotay's living room, and the two former Starfleet officers heard the story of their unlikely visitors.

...

"Gretchen!" Chakotay called. "Gretchen, come back where I can see you." He heard giggling and he realized that his daughter was playing a game with him. His tone of voice became more playful. Kathryn stepped out of the house and he winked at her to let her know a game was afoot. "Kathryn, I can't find Gretchen anywhere," he said with exaggerated concern.

"Did you check the bathtub?" his wife asked with a smile. They had never married officially, but in his heart, he had granted her the title long ago.

"I didn't," he replied. "Let me check the bathtub." He knew that Gretchen was not in the bathtub, but he played along, peering over the edge of the tub. "Nope. No one there."

"Hm," Kathryn said. "What about the garden?"

"That's a good idea. Maybe she decided to help her mother with the tomatoes this year." Chakotay walked over the garden and looked around. "No, no Gretchen here either." They heard more giggling from behind the corner of the house.

"Well I don't know where she could be, Chaktoay," Kathryn said, feigning defeat and sitting down on the front steps.

"I don't know either," the father replied, slowly sneaking up on the corner of the house where they both knew she was. "I guess we'll just have to give her dinner away tonight." At that moment, Chakotay lunged behind the house, picking up his daughter and throwing her in the air as she squealed in delight. "There you are!" he exclaimed. "I thought you'd left us."

"You thought I went to join _Voyager_ in the Alpha Quadrant?" the little girl asked. She had her mother's auburn hair and her father's dark brown eyes. She had a petulant smile and an endless imagination. Most of her games centered around the stories her parents had told her about the starship _Voyager_ and its journey towards the Alpha Quadrant. She loved to pretend, and she would instruct her parents: "I'm going to be Captain. Daddy, you be Neelix, and Mommy, you be Tuvok." Neelix and Tuvok were her favorite characters. Chakotay would quip that she was just like her mother, always ready to give him orders.

Chakotay's eyes shone. "Yes, we thought you'd gone to the Alpha Quadrant."

"Oh no, Daddy, I would never go to the Alpha Quadrant without you." Gretchen was five years old and the apple of her father's eye.

"I'm glad to hear it," he replied, nuzzling his nose against hers. "Are you ready for dinner?"

"Yes, Daddy. Are Uncle Peyt and Aunt Dy coming over tonight?"

"They are," said Kathryn. "So you need to go put on a nicer outfit." She sent the little girl off to her room to change and found a rare moment of quiet as Chakotay wrapped his arms around her.

"Can you believe she's five already?" he asked.

"Can you believe we've been here for seven years?" she countered.

He pulled back from the embrace and looked into her eyes. "Kathryn," he said softly, "I know this isn't the kind of life you envisioned for yourself when you joined Starfleet..." He trailed off, unable to finish the thought.

She raised her fingers to his lips. "Chakotay, I'm very happy here," she replied. She wound her arms around his neck and pulled his lips down to hers in a deep and passionate kiss. He returned the kiss with fervor, tangling his hands in her hair.

"Is this outfit ok, Mommy?" Gretchen burst back into the room, wearing a simple pink dress.

"That's perfect," Janeway replied, disengaging from the embrace.

Peyt and Dyena arrived a few moments later. They had been orbiting the planet that day five years ago on a scouting mission. The atmosphere on their own planet had destabilized, and they were searching for a world to colonize. Many of their people had died trying to evacuate their own planet, but a small group of them had resettled here, on New Earth. Peyt and Dyena remained the leaders of the group, and had become close friends with Janeway and Chakotay.

As they all sat around the dinner table, Chakotay looked around him. He had good friends, a roof over his head, food to eat. He had a loving, supportive relationship with a woman who shared his heart, his soul and his bed. And he had a beautiful daughter who was more precious to him than anything he could ever have imagined. He took Kathryn's hand under the table and felt tears misting in his eyes. His life couldn't possibly get any better than this.


	6. Chapter 5

The Captain sat in her ready room, studying her monitor, trying to come up with a backup plan that didn't involve disobeying the Prime Directive. She was finding it hard to concentrate, and she sat back in her chair. Had she been wrong to let Chakotay go? Should she, as Oxanayul suggested, simply attempt to "have a little faith?" She shook her head. That kind of faith was not something she was capable of. One of her crew was in danger; she had to do everything possible to save him. And though she didn't want to admit it to herself, he was more than just one of her crew. She would have taken the same actions no matter which crew member was in danger. That, she knew. But she would not have felt the same way about taking them. This was the thought she tried to avoid.

Chakotay was not only a crew member. He was her first officer, a trusted advisor and... a friend. The question was not whether she would take the same actions to rescue any member of her crew, but whether she would have allowed any member of her crew on this mission in the first place. She knew that the answer to that question was no. It was because of her close, personal relationship with Chakotay that she had permitted him to go on the healing journey. It was because she knew that she herself could not bear to see him go slowly crazy. It was because she cared for him, deeply, and saw how much this meant to him. Inwardly, she cursed herself. Starship captains were supposed to be impartial. They were not supposed to grant privileges to some crew members that they would deny to others. But she was not the typical starship captain, and she knew it. She also knew that if she had not let her personal feelings get in the way, they might not be in this mess in the first place. At the same time, she thought that if she had not let him go, she would have felt terrible about it, and her judgment would have been compromised in a different way. She sighed. There seemed to be no way for her to win in this situation.

The door chimed. "Come." Tuvok entered the ready room. "Report."

"We have completed the sensor modifications, but we are unable to detect human life signs on the planet."

She grimaced. "Are you saying that Commander Chakotay is dead?"

"We do not have sufficient evidence to draw that conclusion. Even in their enhanced state, the sensors are not able to give us any readings in the forest. It is as though there is some sort of shielding, but none that our sensors are able to detect."

"I have a feeling that High Priest Oxanayul will tell us the gods are protecting the forest," she replied grimly.

"That does seem likely," Tuvok replied.

She sat back, considering their predicament. "What do you think, Tuvok?" she asked.

He approached her desk and looked down at her. "I know that you will not be content to sit back and take no action."

She nodded. "Yes, but that's exactly what we're being asked to do."

"You do not wish to disobey the Prime Directive, but you wish to rescue Commander Chakotay. An interesting puzzle."

"Any solutions come to mind?" she asked hopefully. "I've been thinking about it for the last five hours and I haven't come up with anything yet."

"Perhaps we should attempt to meet the Cholani on their own terms."

"What do you mean?"

"Perhaps we can enter the forest on religious grounds of our own."

Janeway sat up in her chair, suddenly feeling alert. "Go on our own vision journey," she offered.

Tuvok nodded. "Or something of that kind."

Janeway stood. "It's worth a try," she said, rounding the desk. She placed her hand on Tuvok's shoulder and ordered him to hail the surface. Close on Tuvok's heels, she emerged onto the bridge with an energy she had not felt for several days.

"The Cholani are responding," Tuvok said.

"On screen."

"Captain Janeway," High Priest Oxanayul greeted her. "How are you faring?"

"I am well, High Priest. And you?"

"Well also. But you did not contact me to discuss my health. You wish to discuss Commander Chakotay's situation."

She supposed that he hadn't gotten to be High Priest without being a very perceptive man. "Yes," she acknowledged. "High Priest, I would like to take a vision journey."

He smiled. "You wish to go into the forest in the guise of a religious journey, but your true purpose will be to find your Commander."

"You asked me to have faith, High Priest. If I cannot search for Chakotay with my technology, perhaps your gods will help me find him."

"Ah, but Captain Janeway, you persist in the belief that Chakotay is not already safe in the hands of the gods." He paused, seeing her crestfallen expression. "I admire your tenacity, Captain, but I cannot allow you to pervert our religion to serve your own purposes." She was about to open her mouth in protest when he continued. "A vision journey would not be the appropriate course of action at this time. You wish to seek faith. You wish to know that your friend is unharmed."

"Yes," she replied, unsure of the Priest's intentions.

"There may be something you can do, Captain, if you are truly willing to awake your faith. We do not usually permit outsiders to enter our Holy Temple, but you have shown courage, tenacity and fortitude of spirit. You have compassion and a deep regard for your friend. These are the qualities that the gods require. You may come to the Holy Temple and seek the gods for yourself. Perhaps they will provide you with an answer."

It was not quite what she had hoped for, but it was progress. "Thank you, High Priest," she replied.

"You must come alone," he instructed her, "without technology. Meet me at the Temple gates this evening."

"I will be there. Janeway out." The High Priest's face disappeared from the screen. Her eyes immediately went to her Vulcan science officer, anticipating his objections.

"Captain, have you considered the possibility that the Cholani are attempting to lure you to the surface?" Tuvok asked.

"Do you have an alternative in mind, Tuvok?" she asked.

"Unfortunately, I am unable to offer a new alternative at this time."

The Captain began pacing back and forth across the bridge. "It may be a trap," she conceded. "But I don't think so. The Cholani seem to be many things: enigmatic, maybe, but not deceptive. I don't see what motive they could have for wanting to lure me to the planet's surface."

"Nor do I," Tuvok admitted, "but often we cannot see our enemy's motivation until it is too late."

"Lieutenant, I appreciate your concern," Janeway said decisively. "But every other avenue has been closed to us. This is the only way we can find out more information about Chakotay's whereabouts and condition, and I am not going to leave him on that planet alone. Now, you have the bridge."

"Aye, Captain," Tuvok replied.

Janeway turned on her heel and headed to her quarters, readying herself for the journey ahead and wondering exactly what she had gotten herself into.

...

Kathryn wore a simple, cream colored tunic over trousers of the same color. They were lose, a soft cotton. She waited anxiously outside the Temple for Oxanayul. A few moments ago, she had stood on the transporter pad while Tuvok stood quietly by. She knew that her old friend didn't like this situation; didn't like it one bit. She wanted to ask herself if she would act the same way for any member of her crew, but she evaded the question. She didn't really want to consider the implications of her answer. As she stood outside the Temple, Cholani's sun was setting. The sky was a rich purple tinged with gold. She wondered if Chakotay could see the sunset. He would think it was beautiful. Her memory flitted back to a peaceful night on the holodeck, sailing on Lake George just after one of her near death experiences. Chakotay's arms had wrapped around her as they sat at the bow of the sailboat, watching the sunset. She shook off the memory.

What was she doing here? Why was she standing outside a Temple waiting for a priest, not beaming down to the forest with an away team? Was she crazy? Had she lost all sense of proportion here in the Delta Quadrant? Did she really think that she could help her first officer by seeking gods in a temple? She shook her head, internally berating herself. Tuvok was right; she wasn't being logical at all. But then she thought of Chakotay. He was somewhere on this planet; at least she assumed he still was. He might be injured. He might even be dead. If there was something she could do to help him, she had to do it. She felt her inner resolve return, and her doubts begin to diminish.

"Captain Janeway," she heard from behind her. She turned around to see the High Priest standing at the entrance to the Temple, waiting at the top of the long, stone staircase. He wore a long brown robe that touched the ground as he walked, making it appear as though he was floating.

"High Priest Oxanayul," she replied, bowing her head in the traditional Cholani manner. "Thank you for seeing me."

"You may approach the Temple, Captain. The gods have granted you permission." Slowly, she climbed the steps to the Temple. In the dim torchlight, the large wooden doors were imposing. Even the High Priest seemed taller than when they had last met. _It's __just __the __light __playing __tricks __on __me_, she told herself. When she reached the top of the stairs, the High Priest examined her. Then he nodded curtly and the large, wooden doors of the temple began to open with a loud creak. Janeway realized that they were being pushed by two men wearing brown clothes. They had blended in with the doors before, and she had not noticed them.

The doors opened and Oxanayul led Janeway into a small chamber. Stone walls enclosed the small room, and the candles mounted on the walls provided the only lighting in the room. Another door stood straight ahead of them, but this one was smaller and less imposing than the first. A large metal ornament was mounted above the door; five tendrils shot out from the center of it, and at the end of each one laid a different sign. Janeway studied the ornament, wondering what it represented. "It is the symbol of the gods," Oxanayul answered her unspoken question, and she turned her attention back to him.

"What's next?" she asked.

"You must remove your shoes," he said, slipping his own off easily. She bent down and removed her footwear. She stood, facing the High Priest. Suddenly, she felt very small. Oxanayul towered above her by several inches without the heels of her boots to boost her height. The Captain was not used to feeling intimidated, but she had no idea what she was about to face, and she had to admit that she felt nervous.

"When you enter the Temple, you must make the traditional Cholani bow," Oxanayul instructed her. "You will see the altar. You must approach the altar and kneel before it, and then you must say, 'I come here in faith as a humble servant. My own knowledge is small and limited. I wish to seek the wisdom of the gods.'"

Janeway repeated the words. They were inherently distasteful to her, but she realized simultaneously that they were also true. Her knowledge of this situation _was_ limited, and she did need help to find what she sought.

Oxanayul studied her. "Captain Janeway," he said, "do not judge our beliefs or ask yourself what is true. If you do not enter the Temple with a pure heart, the gods will not speak to you."

"What do your gods consider a pure heart, High Priest?" she asked.

He smiled in his calm, wise manner. She had grown accustomed to this smile by now; he never seemed condescending but was always a little bit bemused by her, she thought. He took her shoulders in an almost fatherly gesture, and this made Janeway feel even smaller. "Kathryn Janeway," he said soothingly, "do not attempt to change your thoughts or your feelings to be what you think the gods desire. You _have_ a pure heart. You are here to save another, about whom you care very much." Her heart stomach flipped when he said this; it was true. "Enter the Temple as honestly as you can, and show the gods your true heart. They will not refuse to help you."

She nodded. For some reason, she felt tears welling up in the backs of her eyes, but she pushed them away. Swallowing hard, she said, "Thank you, High Priest."

"You may enter the Temple. May the gods smile upon you, Kathryn Janeway." Oxanayul let go of her shoulders and she turned towards the door. She grasped the metal handle and pulled it open, walking slowly beyond the threshold, hearing the door shut behind her.

The inner sanctum of the Temple was huge. Torches lined the walls and at the opposite end of the room, a large fire burned in a pit. There were five decorations lining each wall, and Janeway recognized them from the symbol of the gods that she had seen when they had first entered the Temple. Above the fire at the altar was an even larger version of the symbol of the gods. Slowly, she approached the altar. When she reached it, she felt the heat of the fire on her face as she knelt before it. "I come here in faith as a humble servant," she said, repeating the words the High Priest had taught her. "My own knowledge is small and limited. I wish to seek the wisdom of the gods."

At first, nothing happened. She sat on her knees, looking at the fire. She felt foolish, wondering why she had come to a Temple, to kneel in front of an altar, when her first officer might be lying beneath a boulder somewhere. But then, she remembered Oxanayul's words about not judging their beliefs, and she tried to eliminate the thoughts from her mind. She needed to focus on what she came here to do.

In her mind's eye, she pictured Chakotay. She pictured the last time she had seen him, standing on the transporter pad before his healing journey. She could almost feel the warmth of his hand as he pressed his communicator into her palm. She pictured him in sickbay, ranting about a prize fight, and running up the stairs to the Temple, not even knowing where he was. _I__'__m__ looking __for __my __first __officer_, she thought, towards any being that might be listening. _Can __you __help __me __find __him? __I__'__m __afraid __he__'__s __in __danger. __Normally, __I __would __be __out __there__ looking __for __him __right __now, __but __I__'__m __not __allowed__ to __do __that __here. _She heard no answer; she felt nothing. She pushed down her frustration, determined to try again. _Is__ anyone __there?__ Can __you __hear __me? _Still nothing.

Suddenly, Oxanayul's words came back to her. _Have__ a __little __faith, __Captain_. She remembered Tuvok's advice. She had to attempt to meet the Cholani on their own terms, even if it meant talking to gods she didn't believe in, and suspending her own judgment, submitting to traditions and values she did not uphold. _For_ Chakotay_, _she thought. _To __bring __him __back. _With all the self control she could muster, Kathryn cleared her mind. She tried to open herself to all the sensations around her. She felt the heat of the fire, the hardness of the stone under her knees, the sweat forming on the palms of her own hands. _I __am __here __on __my __knees __before __you, __Cholani __gods. __I __am __here __to __learn __whatever __wisdom__ you __have __to __show __me._

She felt a cold breeze on her face and as she opened her eyes, a flash of bright light blinded her, throwing her backwards against the stone floor.

...

Chakotay was lying on something soft, cool and damp. He realized as he opened his eyes that he was outside, lying on the ground. The air around him was humid, and carried only the faintest chill. He fully awoke to realize that he was lying in a bed of leaves, under a tree. A large boulder stood nearby. He had the strangest feeling he had been here before, but he couldn't remember when. Come to think of it, he couldn't remember why he was here now, or how he had arrived at this place. He slowly sat up, leaning against the tree trunk. Where was he? What was he doing here? Was he on a mission for _Voyager_? No, that was too long ago. That much he knew. _Voyager_ was a long, long time ago. He heard a rustling in the bushes nearby and he pressed himself back against the trunk of the tree. "Who's there?" he asked nervously.

A teenage boy emerged from the bushes. The boy was obviously of his own tribe and wore the same tattoo as wore, and his father had worn before him. "There you are, Grandfather!" the boy exclaimed, sounding relieved. "I've been looking for you everywhere. I'm supposed to look after you."

Something about the boy seemed familiar, but Chakotay couldn't quite place it.

Who are you calling grandfather?" Chakotay replied, jesting with the youth.

"You, of course. Come on, Grandpa. Stop fooling around. We have to get home before Mother gets angry with me for letting you wander off again."

"I'm not old enough to be your grandfather," Chakotay murmured, confused.

"Of course you are. You can look at yourself in the mirror when we get home if you doubt it." The boy's face suddenly became serious. "You weren't hallucinating about being back on _Voyager_ again, were you?"

Chakotay shook his head, confused. "I know that _Voyager_ was a long time ago. But what am I doing here?"

"Damned if I know. You wandered off again. Please just come home with me."

Chakotay stood and began to follow the boy. Slowly, he began to recognize where he was. He was at his colony on Dorvan V. This was his home. "Do I wander off a lot?" he asked.

"If you would only take your medicine, you wouldn't get so confused, Grandfather." The boy was patient, far more so than Chakotay had been at his age.

"What's your name?" Chakotay asked. He immediately regretted having asked the question when he saw the hurt look in the youth's eyes. He knew this was a question which he should not have had to ask.

The boy replied quietly, "Kolopak."

"My father's name."

"Yes, Grandfather. I was named for him."

"Kolopak, I am sorry," Chakotay said.

"It's all right." Kolopak's tone was gentle and understanding. He asked, without rancor, "Why don't you take your medicine, Grandfather?"

"No medicine will ever take away this disease. It is a part of who I am. Medicine will only take away the outward signs, but never the cause. To take the medicine would be to deny part of who I am. The pain must be honored."

Kolopak seemed both puzzled by this answer and astonished at the clarity of his grandfather's ideas. "But don't you want to make your life easier?"

Chakotay smiled as they walked. "My life is beautiful. I have you, your mother. I have the forest to shade me and the sunshine to warm me. I have shelter from rain and snow. I have led a long, full life. But my soul is in pain." Chakotay's voice faltered. "I have seen too much pain in my life. My soul suffers now because of it. The pain must be honored. I cannot deny it."

They reached the village and went inside. Kolopak lied to his mother and told her they had been walking in the forest together. At this time of night? she asked, but her son was able to divert the conversation away from her father's most recent transgressions. Chakotay went into the bathroom to splash some cool water on his face. When he stood, the water dripping down his chin, he was astonished by his own reflection in the mirror. His skin was weathered and wrinkled with age, sagging down around his cheeks. His hair was white, and he had let it grow out over the years, so it was pulled behind him in a ponytail. He brushed a stray leaf away that had become tangled in his hair. He was shocked by his own reflection. When had he grown so old? He could barely recognize himself. His eyes... his eyes were the same as they had always been.

And suddenly, it all came rushing back to him. _You__ have __the __gene. __The __crazy __gene. __We __know __how __it __really __ends __- __a __crazy __old __man. __It__'__s __your __fate. __Your __destiny. __There__'__s __no __escape. __I__'__m__ scared, __I __don__'__t __want __to __die._ He heard his own voice mingled with the voices of others, as if his own voice did not come from him. Images of his own life flashed before his eyes: himself, as a young boy, angry with his own grandfather, praying with all his might never to be like him; himself, a youth at Starfleet academy, throwing himself into his studies despite his father's disapproval; a young, angry man running off to join the Maquis; being swept into the Badlands by the Caretaker's array; the years of his life on _Voyager_, his friends there; Kathryn. He saw images of home, of his family, of his grandson. His own deterioration as the sensory tremens had worsened, his own refusal to take the medication, just like his grandfather before had refused him. And now, here he was, with his own grandson, frustrating Kolopak the same way his own grandfather had frustrated him. But so many things were clear to him now that weren't clear to him then. He had to find Kolopak and tell him. He sensed that his time was running out. He wiped the water from his face and exited the bathroom.

His daughter stood in the kitchen, and he smelled the warm, comforting smell of soup cooking on the stove. She had auburn hair and blue-grey eyes, like her mother, but her skin was dark, like her father's, and she, too, wore the tattoo of Chakotay and Kolopak. Chakotay smiled, watching his daughter over the soup pot. He closed his eyes, thinking of her mother, now long dead, and the thought made the backs of his eyes sting with tears.

"Dad, what can I do for you?" she asked, looking up at him.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered, unsure whether he was talking to his daughter or to her mother whom she resembled so closely.

She brushed the remark aside. "Dad! Don't be foolish. I'm making dinner, and you're in the way. What do you need?"

He laughed. "You are so much like her," he said. But then he knew she really would chase him out of the kitchen if he didn't answer her question. "Where's Kolopak?"

"He's out in the shed, getting some wood for the fireplace. Tell him to come back inside with you. Dinner is almost ready."

Chakotay nodded and walked out to the woodshed. He couldn't walk as fast as he once had been able to, but his steps carried a sense of urgency. He knew that he was running out of time. He found Kolopak chopping wood just outside the shed, the young man's anger and frustration evident in his manner. Chakotay's hand stopped his grandson's hand on the axe, and the young man looked up, annoyed.

"Grandfather, I have to chop this wood before dinner," he said.

"Kolopak, I must tell you something. I don't have very much time left."

This made the young man stop, put his axe down, and look up at his grandfather with a concerned expression. "What do you mean, Grandfather?"

"I know how you feel now, Kolopak. I understand why you want me to take my medication. I know that I'm making life more difficult for you and your mother, and for that, I am sorry. But there is something I have learned in my life, and I have to explain to you."

"All right, Grandfather. Why don't you sit down?" Kolopak gestured to the stump upon which he had been chopping the wood, and Chakotay slowly lowered himself down onto it.

"I've seen many things in my life. I've been through many things. I've seen people die and be born. I've been betrayed. I've been hurt, and I've been healed. I've felt so angry I wanted to destroy everything I could. I've been in love. I've seen triumph and I've seen despair. All of these things have made me who I am." Chakotay's voice began to falter; he felt time slipping away from him. Kolopak's hand on his shoulder steadied him. "Even this disease, this defective gene, is part of who I am. It is part of my heritage. My grandfather had it. Others before him had it. You have it. And living with this condition is something I've had to do. But I have had a good life, Kolopak. I am grateful for it. Just remember, no matter what easy way is offered to you, don't take it. You can never escape who you are. Don't try. Embrace the hardship as you embrace the joy." Chakotay began to see dark spots forming in front of his eyes, and he began to loose his balance. Kolopak attempted to steady him as Chakotay whispered, "There is no easy solution. Embrace who you are: the highs and the lows, the love and the hatred, the best and the worst. These are the things that will make your life worth living in the end. All must be honored."

He heard Kolopak shout, "Grandfather!" as he felt his balance give out, and he toppled to the ground. He was vaguely aware of people shouting over him. He heard Kolopak's voice, and he thought he heard Kathryn's. But that couldn't be. Kathryn was long dead. He felt his own heartbeat slowing, and his breath shortening in his chest. He knew that this was to be the end of his days, but as he was about to die, Chakotay had no regrets.


	7. Chapter 6

Heat scorched her skin. That was the first thing that entered her awareness as Kathryn's consciousness returned. When she managed to open her eyes, squinting at the brightness of the light, she realized that the small fire pit had become a wall of flame that stretched the entire length of the Temple. In spite of herself, Kathryn felt panicked. She looked behind her, but Oxanayul was nowhere to be seen. Should she turn and run? Leave the Temple and report the fire? She stood, frozen, motionless, feeling the heat of the fire on her skin, feeling her body begin to drip in sweat.

"Kathryn Janeway." The voice sounded like a whisper in her own ear. She whirled around, but saw no one. Then she heard the sound again. "Kathryn Janeway." She could have sworn that she felt a cool breath near her face, but again, there was no one standing there. "Kathryn Janeway, enter the flame, and the gods will reveal themselves to you."

"Walk _into_ the fire?" she exclaimed aloud, even though no one was there.

"You wish to seek the gods. You must enter the flame and purify yourself," the voice responded.

Kathryn began to doubt whether this had been a good idea. She was seriously considering turning and running out of the Temple, but she stopped herself. Was this some sort of test? Oxanayul had assured her that she would not be hurt. She had come this far to save her first officer. She couldn't turn back now. She steeled herself and forced herself to walk forward into the fire.

When she looked down at her sleeves, she saw the flames engulfing them. Her clothes were on fire, yet she was unable to move. She felt her skin burning underneath the garments. She tried to open her mouth to scream, but no sound emerged. The scorching heat entered her lungs, and she felt as if she was burning from the inside out. The pain was indescribable. Her entire body was on fire.

...

Axamiya paced back and forth in the cave. It had been three days since the earthquake; five days since he and Chakotay had set out on the healing journey. Axamiya had spent most of the intervening time in prayer, asking the gods to show him a way out of this cave. He had received no answer and his faith was beginning to wane. He had exhausted his own food supply early that morning, and he was beginning to feel the hunger in his belly. He had seen Chakotay go through various states over the course of his journey, mostly reflected by the expression on his face or the amount of movement in his trance, but now the older man had not moved for several hours. The only evidence that he was still alive came from the soft rise and fall of his chest. Axamiya did not know if this was to be expected, or if he should be concerned. He did not know what he should do about the mouth of the cave which remained blocked by boulders. He sat down once again, to pray to the gods for answers.

...

Kathryn awoke slowly. The first sensation that entered her consciousness was the sensation of something cold beneath her body. She attempted to move her fingers, and realized that she was lying on a cool, smooth surface. She remembered the sensation of burning and wondered if she had died, and this was some sort of afterlife. She managed to open her eyes and found herself in a room lit with bright, white light. She could not tell if the source of the light was natural or artificial. The smooth material on which she lay seemed to cover the floor, the walls and the ceiling of the room. Slowly, she made herself sit up, and, shocked, she discovered that her tunic and her trousers were in tact. She lifted her arm in front of her face and saw that her skin was not charred or burned as she had expected it to be. She felt like she was alive, but wondered if this was what it felt like to be dead.

The light in the room brightened, and she heard a voice. "Kathryn Janeway," it said. It was the same voice that had whispered to her in the Temple. She could not determine its gender nor its age. She looked around, and saw no one in the room with her. "Do not attempt to see us. You will not succeed. You must listen with your heart."

"Are you... the gods?" she asked hesitantly. She wondered if she was dreaming.

"If you need to ask that question, perhaps you are not as worthy of our help as we had believed."

The light in the room began to dim, and suddenly, she sensed that a presence was leaving her. "No, wait!" she called. "I've come all this way to speak to you."

There was a pause, and the bright light returned. She heard voices all around her now, overlapping each other. She wasn't sure if she was actually hearing them or if they were only in her mind. The voices appeared to be lost in argument.

"She lacks faith."

"She has proven her faith by coming here."

"Her heart is pure; she is dedicated to her friends; she would do anything to save them."

"Her heart is tainted by guilt. She acts because she is afraid of putting more guilt on herself."

"She acts because of love."

"She does not admit her love; she is a coward." Janeway's head was spinning as the voices overlapped each other. They seemed to come from all around her and within her.

"She is bound by duty, by her principles. She acts based on what she believes; is that not the definition of faith?" This question seemed to silence the argument. The voice turned its attention back to her; she could almost feel a being turning towards her, even though she sat in a completely empty room. "Tell us why you have come here."

She cleared her throat, hoping she would say the right thing. Then she remembered what Oxanayul had told her; not to try to adjust her thoughts or feelings to what she thought the gods would want. "I came here to seek your help. My first officer, Chakotay... my friend... has gone on a healing journey on your planet. But there has been an earthquake, and I do not know whether he is safe."

"Why have you not investigated this matter for yourself?" the voice asked.

"I have tried, but my ship's technology cannot penetrate your Sacred Forest. I am not permitted to enter the forest. I respect the Cholani, and their faith. I do not wish to disrespect them or you, so I came to you, hoping you could offer me another alternative."

The voices launched into another discussion. "She is conflicted. She wishes to save her officer but she does not want to disobey the Cholani."

"We cannot resolve the conflict for her."

"No, but we can offer an alternative."

Kathryn's head was pounding. The onslaught of voices was hard to follow. The voice asked her, "Would you take this action to save any member of your crew?"

"I would," she answered.

"But this particular officer is special to you." The tone was not accusing, simply observant.

"He is my first officer," she explained patiently. "He is my most trusted advisor and companion. He is my friend."

"Her heart is true," the voices said, mingling with one another until they were indistinguishable from each other. "She is strong. She was willing to admit that her way of thinking was wrong."

"She was willing to come to us for help even though she was afraid we didn't exist."

"She still thinks that this might all be a dream, or that she might really be dead."

"We will give her what she seeks, but it will come in the form of a challenge."

"Not the sort of challenge she's used to."

Janeway brought her hands up to massage her temples. Her head felt like it was about to explode. She wanted the voices to stop their discussion. Briefly, she wondered if this was how Chakotay had felt when they were in chaotic space and the aliens were trying to contact him. She felt the unified voice turn its attention back to her.

"You are right to be concerned, Kathryn Janeway," it said gravely. "Your friend, Chakotay, is trapped in a cave. One of our own people is with him. They will not survive in that cave much longer. You must go to the cave and remove the boulders that are trapping them inside." A picture flashed through her mind - a forest, a path, a cave. She saw a cascade of boulders fall and block the cave's entrance. Another image: Chakotay, lying on a stone slab inside the cave. He looked pale and thin, and he was sweating. Beside him, the boy, Axamiya, was on his knees, looking as though he was about to faint.

"The High Priest will not allow me to go into the forest," she protested.

"We have told you all that you need to know," the voice replied.

Suddenly, Janeway felt herself plunged into blackness. She felt as though she was falling. An icy water surrounded her body, and if an hour before, she had thought her skin was burning, she now felt as though she would freeze to death. She felt cold water filling her lungs as she attempted to gasp for air. Her arms and legs flailed, searching for something to grab onto, but there was nothing, and she plunged deeper and deeper into the icy water. As the water filled her lungs and the temperature numbed her body, she slipped slowly into unconsciousness.

...

Chakotay's eyes snapped open. Where was he? He tried to orient himself, but his memories were all confused. He remembered being with Seska on the _Val Jean_, her betrayal of him to the Cardassians, witnessing all of his crew executed in front of him. But he had died then. How could he now be waking up? More memories flooded him. He had had a life on New Earth, with Kathryn. _Voyager_ had never rescued them. They had had a daughter. They had grown old together. But how could those memories and the memories of Seska both be real? He remembered being an old man, speaking to his grandson. Was he dead? Was this the afterlife? He slowly moved his head. His body felt weak. He was in a dimly lit cave, lying on a stone slab that was elevated from the floor. He saw a figure out of the corner of his eye; a young man who had fallen to the ground, fast asleep. _Axamiya._ Finally, he remembered. He was on Cholani. His healing journey. All of the lifetimes that he could now remember must have been part of it somehow. Slowly, Chakotay propped himself up on his elbows and swung his legs over the side of the slab. His body was shaking, and he didn't know if he could stand. "Axamiya," he called softly, trying to gently wake the boy. "Axamiya."

The young man jolted awake. It took him a moment to realize that it was Chakotay who was calling his name. "Chakotay!" he exclaimed. "You're awake."

"How long have I been out?" he asked.

"Five days."

"Five _days_?" Chakotay asked, astonished. He felt that he had experienced three lifetimes, but they could have all happened in an hour, like a dream. He slowly realized this meant that he hadn't eaten in five days.

"I'm sorry I was sleeping when you woke up," Axamiya said, hanging his head.

"It's all right," Chakotay replied, testing his weight on his feet. His balance was shaky. "Let's get out of here," he said.

If Axamiya had looked desolate before, he became even more so now. "We can't," he said.

"What do you mean, we can't?"

"There was an earthquake during your healing journey. The entrance to the cave is blocked. I've been praying for the last three days for some sign from the gods, but so far, they haven't helped me."

"Well, sometimes we have to help ourselves," Chakotay replied. He forced himself to stand and shakily made his way to the entrance of the cave. He began with one of the smaller rocks, but found that he was too weak to move it. "Axamiya, come help me," he ordered. The boy came over. Chakotay noticed that even the youth was moving slowly. "When was the last time you ate?" he asked.

"Many hours ago," Axamiya replied. "But you've gone without food for much longer than I have."

"Let's see if we can do this one rock at a time," Chakotay said. The two men together were barely able to move one of the smallest rocks from its place. Chakotay's strength was severely diminished, and the younger man didn't have much brawn to begin with. The small rock finally released from its place in the cave entrance, rolling back into the cave. Chakotay collapsed on the floor up against the barrier, spent. "I don't think we're going to be able to move all of these ourselves," he said softly.

"I know. I know what to do, Chakotay. I'll keep praying. I know that the gods will answer me."

Chakotay didn't feel quite so sure about that himself. He had a feeling that the air in the cave was becoming thin. With the cave's entrance blocked, the oxygen levels were probably depleting. He felt his breath becoming shallow. He wanted to live; wanted it desperately, whether or not he spent the rest of his life going crazy.

...

"Captain Janeway. Captain Janeway," she heard a voice calling to her. The voice sounded familiar, but at first she couldn't place it.

Then her eyes snapped open and she jolted herself upright. "I know what we have to do," she said urgently. "I know where Chakotay is. He and your First Prelate are trapped. We have to rescue them." She realized that she was sitting on the floor of the Temple in front of the altar. There was no wall of fire before her, only the small fire pit that she had seen when she had first entered.

"Captain Janeway, please relax." She saw Oxanayul kneeling beside her, looking at her with a concerned expression. "When you didn't reappear from the Temple, we became concerned."

"How long have I been in here?" she asked.

"Almost two hours," the Priest replied.

"Two hours?" she exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "We have to get moving now."

"Just a moment, Captain," Oxanayul said, standing up to meet her eyes. "You know you can't enter the forest."

She felt frantic. The visions of the forest, the path and the cave remained clear in her mind. She knew what she had to do; why wasn't the High Priest listening to her. "I have to enter the forest," she said. "It's the only way to save Chakotay's life, and the life of your First Prelate."

"Captain, you may be disoriented. You know the gods will not permit this."

"Your gods are the ones who _told_ me to do this," she replied in frustration.

Oxanayul crossed his arms and looked at her dubiously. "You _spoke_ to the gods?" he asked.

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "Isn't that what I came here to do?"

"Are you sure that you actually spoke to the gods?" Oxanayul asked.

Janeway let out an exasperated breath. This was just what she needed. She had finally proven her faith by coming to this temple and walking through a wall of fire. She had heard the voices of gods that, two days ago, she would have said she didn't believe in, and now the High Priest didn't believe her. "I didn't speak to them so much as they spoke to me," she replied.

Oxanayul led her over to a bench on one side of the Temple. "Captain," he said, "it is very important that you relate to me every detail of your experience."

"High Priest, don't you think it's more important to save lives now and talk about the details later?" She tried her best to keep her tone calm and diplomatic.

Oxanayul sat on the bench and motioned for her to do the same. She did so, reluctantly. "Captain, before we proceed, I must know that your experiences were authentic."

She almost stood up again. "Are you suggesting that I am lying to you, High Priest?" She felt anger rising within her. She had followed these people's customs to the tee, and now they wouldn't listen to her.

The High Priest put his hand on her arm, trying to soothe her. "Not at all, Captain. It is just hard for me to believe that our gods have spoken to you and given you instructions to disobey our religious laws."

Janeway made an attempt to soften her own tone. "High Priest, aren't you the one who asked me to have a little faith? Well, I did. I came to your Temple, seeking your gods. I thought that I died twice in the process, but I encountered your gods. They showed me your forest, the path to take to reach our missing men. They showed me that the entrance to the cave has been blocked by an avalanche."

"Describe the forest and the path," he said, still dubious.

She described them in as much detail as she could, and she could tell that she was beginning to catch his attention. "High Priest," she said, "I didn't just imagine these things. I saw them."

"Yesterday, you didn't even believe out gods existed," he accused her.

She sighed. "I know. I judged your beliefs too harshly. I jumped to my own conclusions before I had all the relevant information, and for that, I'm sorry. Everyone has to learn, High Priest. Faith has never been easy for me. I've always been a scientist at heart, but science can't easily explain what I've experienced over the past few hours."

He studied her, beginning to believe that her conversion was genuine. "What will you tell your crew?" he asked. "What will you tell Commander Chakotay when you find him?"

"I'll tell him that I can't explain what happened to me. I'll tell them that your gods told me what to do."

"You would state that publicly?"

She replied with resolve, "It's the truth."

"I have one more question, Captain. You said you thought you died twice. How did you die?"

She shuddered at the painful memories. "The first time, I thought I was walking through a wall of fire. It burned my skin and my clothes and my lungs. The second time, I felt as though I was drowning in icy water."

Oxanayul studied her for a long time, then he looked up at the sign of the gods above the altar. "Very well, Captain. I will assemble the Priests and the Prelates. We will follow you into the Sacred Forest and remove the boulders from the entrance of the cave."

Janeway breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, High Priest," she said.

He shook his head. "Only thank the gods, Captain." And silently, she did.

...

Chakotay was beginning to feel unsure of where reality began and his hallucinations ended. He didn't know if he was going crazy from the sensory tremens or if it was a combination of starvation and oxygen deprivation. Axamiya had passed out several hours before, and Chakotay had been unable to wake him. They had succeeded in moving one more boulder away from the cave's entrance, and Chakotay had begun to dig a tunnel underneath the rocks, but he was too weak to continue. Axamiya had finally exhausted himself in prayer and had fallen into a deep slumber. Chakotay sat alone, his back against the wall of boulders that trapped him there. The images from his healing journey melded with those in his real memory.

He saw Seska. He thought he heard her voice telling him that now he was finally going to get what he deserved; that he had never really been worth anything to her. He saw his Maquis friends being executed before his eyes. He saw, further back, to the moment when his father had been killed and he had decided to defect from Starfleet and join the Maquis. He saw B'Elanna's face, in a mixture of anger and concern, and heard her telling him how pigheaded he could be sometimes, getting himself killed on an alien planet where no one was allowed to rescue him.

He saw images of his father and his grandfather. He saw his grandfather going crazy, but now, instead of feeling angry or betrayed, he felt compassion. He felt that he finally understood what his grandfather had meant all those years ago when he said he had to honor the pain of his soul. Chakotay knew that his soul, too, was now in pain, but he would not exchange that pain for anything. It was the only thing that told him he was still alive.

He tried to make himself think about life on _Voyager_: Neelix's cooking, Naomi Wildman's curiosity, Seven of Nine's quest for humanity, the Doctor's holoimaging reports. He thought of Harry Kim's wide-eyed innocence when he had first come on board; now the innocence had turned into a quiet confidence and Kim had become a stalwart officer. He thought of Tom Paris and how much he had hated him; how their friendship had developed. He thought of Tuvok and his unfailing logic, of Kes... Who knew where she was now?

He felt himself beginning to slip into unconsciousness, and he struggled to stay awake. In his mind's eye, he saw Kathryn's face - the beautiful, relaxed expression he had seen in his vision of their life together on New Earth; their daughter. Yet even as these images entered his mind, he knew they weren't real. He saw her face as it had appeared to him on the view screen of the Val Jean, an imposing woman with her hair tightly wound in a bun. He saw her sitting next to him in her command chair, laughing at some joke shared by the bridge staff. He saw her relaxing on a sailboat on Lake George with champagne and pink roses.

Chakotay's eyelids were becoming heavier, and his breathing was becoming more shallow. He knew the oxygen in the cave must be nearly gone by now. He had no idea how long they had been there since the earthquake had occurred. In fact, he wasn't even sure that this was real, and not just another vision from his healing journey. Those had all felt real, too. How did he know he wasn't still asleep on that stone slab? But he could see the slab, and his own body wasn't on it. His head was spinning and his chest ached. It was becoming harder and harder to breathe, harder and harder to stay awake. "Grandfather..." he whispered, as he finally drifted off into unconsciousness.

...

The forest was dense, and much harder to penetrate than Kathryn Janeway had anticipated. She moved as quickly as she could along the path that the gods had shown her. She saw evidence that others had passed this same way within the recent past, and hoped that those others were her first officer and the First Prelate. Oxanayul followed her with several other priests. They continued to refuse to allow technology in the sacred forest, but Oxanayul assured her that between all of them, they would be able to unblock the cave's entrance. She had taken a moment to contact _Voyager_ before embarking on the journey into the forest. The High Priest had refused to let any other member of her crew enter the forest, since she was the only one who had spoke with the gods. Tuvok protested this, but she could see no better option than to proceed.

As they moved closer to the region where the earthquake had hit, they began to see evidence of the destruction it had wrought. There were downed trees all around them, and several areas where there had apparently been rockslides. The terrain became even more difficult to cross as they continued. They had to move several large tree trunks and navigate around large boulders. A stream had been diverted across their path, and their trousers became cold and wet as they waded through it, in water up to their knees. Oxanayul's priests had brought some rudimentary tools: manual saws, crowbars... They had to cut pieces of trees and branches out of their way as they went, and occasionally use a crowbar to dislodge a particularly large rock.

Janeway did not know how long they had been walking, but it had been a few hours at least. She could tell by the position of the sun, and she was becoming concerned. How long would Chakotay and Axamiya be able to survive in a cave that was shut in? If she knew Chakotay, he would be looking for a way out, if he could. But the gods had suggested that he needed her help; perhaps he was unable to find a way out on his own. Perhaps he was already mortally wounded. This thought caused Janeway to quicken her pace, challenging the others to keep up with her.

Finally, they reached a clearing, and in front of them stood the cave, its entrance obscured by rocks and boulders. It looked exactly as it had in Kathryn's vision. "Here," she said, pointing towards it. "That's where they are." She then ordered the priests, "Start removing the rocks from the entrance of the cave. Be careful what order you move them. We don't want to cause a cave-in."

The priests looked to Oxanayul for approval, and he nodded. He and Janeway went to work as well. The work was long and painstaking, removing one rock at a time; starting at the top so not to worsen the situation. Janeway shook her head, thinking what she wouldn't give for a tricorder or a phaser right about now. But the priests worked fast; faster than she would have expected. They seemed to be in excellent physical condition, and they were highly disciplined. Even Tuvok would have been impressed, she thought.

Oxanayul caught her looking at the priests and guessed what she was thinking. "We practice many forms of meditation," he explained, "including those that require great physical discipline."

"Remind me to thank the gods for that next time I see them," the Captain quipped. She looked up at Oxanayul and this time the smile he offered her was genuine and open, not patronizing or bemused in any way. She knew that she had finally earned the old priest's respect.

The painstaking work lasted for several hours, and the sun had begun to set by the time most of the boulders had been removed from the cave's entrance. Briefly, Janeway worried about the long journey back to the Cholani city, through the forest, in the dark, with wounded on their hands. But that was a bridge she'd have to cross when she came to it. She was helping one of the priests push a large boulder aside when she heard a shout from one of the other workers. "High Priest! Captain Janeway!"

She rushed over to the priest who had called. "What is it?" she asked breathlessly. The priest pointed. They had finally gotten through the barrier. In the dim light, she could see inside the cave, and at the corner of her vision, she could see a swatch of red fabric. Hurriedly, she crawled through the narrow opening.

The cave was dark, except for one torch that continued to burn. Little light was coming in through the breaks in the rock barrier, since outside it was almost dusk. But it was light enough for her to see her first officer, slumped up against a boulder. She saw the beginnings of a feeble attempt to dig a tunnel next to him, and noticed the First Prelate lying on the floor nearby. She ran her hands over Chakotay's body, checking for injuries, but found none. His skin was cold and clammy to the touch, and even in the dim light, she could see that he was pale and that his lips were dry and cracked. Afraid, she put her hand up to his neck to feel his pulse. She waited, not breathing. Finally, she felt it. It was weak and slow, but his heart was still beating. She wasn't too late. She released the breath she didn't know she had been holding and, with all the strength she could muster, she dragged Chakotay's body back through the opening. Then, without a word, she dove back into the cave and pulled Axamiya out with her as well.

They heard a distant rumbling, and, with a sudden realization, Janeway shouted, "Move away from the cave!" The priests did so, hurriedly. Janeway dragged Chakotay's body, and Oxanayul had Axamiya. The rumbling grew louder, and, in moments, the rocks that stood at the entrance of the cave had collapsed, burying the entrance in rubble once again.

Janeway collapsed on the ground, panting. Chakotay's body lay next to her and she pushed away her exhaustion, examining him as best she could with no tricorder. She looked up at Oxanayul; he was cradling Axamiya's body in his hands as if the First Prelate were his own son. She could tell from his grave expression that the boy must not be much better off than her first officer. "They need medical attention," she said. "Please, let me transport them to _Voyager_. Our Doctor will treat their injuries. I know that it's a violation of your beliefs, allowing technology to be used in the Sacred Forest, but I don't think that either Chakotay or Axamiya could survive the trip back to the city on foot."

The High Priest's face twisted in doubt and confusion. He had never before disobeyed and axiom of the gods, but he had also never before encountered anyone quite like Kathryn Janeway. He took a deep breath, and she saw the resolve settle into his features. "I don't think the gods would have led us here only to let them die," he finally said. "You may use your transporters."

A new fear gripped the Captain as she slowly realized, "Without our communicators, we have no way to contact _Voyager_." She had forgotten, in her urgency to get Chakotay and the First Prelate to sickbay, that she had no way to contact sickbay in the first place.

"Do not fear, Captain," said the High Priest. "I will commune with the gods and they will help us." He gently placed Axamiya's body on the ground and excused himself from the group.

Kathryn felt her faith wavering; she had no idea what the High Priest meant by this statement, but she had little choice but to trust the Cholani once again. She found some water and, kneeling beside her first officer, poured it over his dry lips, trying to force him to drink. As the cool water dribbled over his chin, his eyes fluttered open. "Chakotay?" she asked, placing a hand on his chest.

He could barely speak. His lips moved, with difficulty, and she could see him mouthing her name. She offered him more water, and this time he was able to drink more of it. Gently, with the edge of her tunic, she wiped away the water that had dribbled down the sides of his mouth and onto his chin. Her other hand remained on his chest, and she felt its gentle rise and fall as he drifted back into unconsciousness.

...

Lieutenant Commander Tuvok sat in the Captain's chair on the bridge. They had had no word from the Captain for several hours, since she had set off into the forest to look for Commander Chakotay, and Tuvok didn't like it one bit. Nothing about this entire mission had seemed logical to him. He understood Captain Janeway's devotion to her crew, and he knew from past experience that she would do anything to save any one of them. It was one of the qualities which made those who served under her remain so profoundly loyal. Tuvok had the greatest of respect for alien religions, but he also wondered if engaging in their customs might be going a bit too far.

Tom Paris sat at the helm, nervously tapping his fingers on the console. He hadn't had anything to do for days, since _Voyager_ had remained in orbit around Cholani, and he was getting antsy.

"Mr. Paris," Tuvok said. "Please refrain from tapping your fingers on the console in that manner."

Tom stopped his fingers. "Aye, sir," he said, with a laugh hidden in his voice. Only Tuvok would give an order like that. He glanced sideways at B'Elanna, who caught his eye from her station and had to suppress her own laugh.

It was Harry's voice that stopped them from bursting into giggles. "Sir, I'm detecting some fluctuations on the planet."

"Ensign Kim, can you be more specific?"

Harry pressed several buttons on the console in front of him, and he wore a confused expression on his face. "Well, sir, you know how the forest where Commander Chakotay was seemed completely impenetrable to our sensors?"

"I am aware of that fact, Ensign."

"Whatever was obscuring it is gone. I have full readings on the forest now."

Tuvok stood. "Can you detect any human life signs?" he asked.

"Yes," Kim replied. "I'm detecting two humans and several Cholani. They are all in the same location."

"Lieutenant Torres," Tuvok ordered, "take an away team to those coordinates. Include the Doctor. There may be injuries."

"Aye, sir," Torres replied, getting up from her station. "Come on, Harry, let's go."

"Sir, aren't you worried about the Cholani's rules about no technology?" Paris asked, before B'Elanna and Harry could get to the turbolift.

"We have had no word from the Captain in several hours, Ensign," Tuvok replied. "This is the first time that we have been able to use our sensors in the forest. I can only assume that the dropping of those forcefields is some sort of communication from Captain Janeway. If it is not, I will take responsibility for violating Cholani beliefs."

Paris shrugged, turning back to the conn. Logical, as always. Tuvok nodded to Torres and Kim and they headed to the turbolift, summoning the Doctor as they did so.

...

The High Priest returned to the group of Cholani priests. He saw Captain Janeway kneeling over Commander Chakotay. She hadn't left his side since she had pulled him from the cave. Oxanayul bent over his young apprentice, and touched Axamiya's cheek gently. "You were very brave," he said softly. "You have done well. Your faith was great, my son."

"Were you able to contact your gods, High Priest?" Janeway asked.

He chuckled. "Have a little patience," he replied.

Janeway grimaced and turned back to her first officer, wishing there was more she could do for him. Then, suddenly, she heard a familiar sound. She looked up and saw the shimmer of a transporter beam, and a moment later, Ensign Kim, B'Elanna Torres and the Doctor were standing in front of her.

"Captain, are you all right?" B'Elanna asked her.

"I'm fine," she replied, feeling relief wash over her. "Chakotay needs medical attention." The Doctor was at her side in an instant, running his medical tricorder over the Commander.

"He needs to get to sickbay, immediately," the Doctor said, concern evident in his tone.

The Captain was dumbfounded. After all of the Cholani's protestations against technology in the Sacred Forest, three members of her crew had somehow beamed down into it, and the holographic doctor was standing over her with a medical tricorder. She looked at Oxanayul, expecting him to be furious, or to object, but he said nothing. Did this have something to do with his recent contact with the gods?

She became even more shocked when the High Priest said, "Axamiya is weak. He needs medical attention. Would you take him with you to your sickbay?"

Janeway knew the shock was evident on her face, but she replied, "Of course, High Priest. We will be happy to help you in any way we can."

The Doctor and Janeway managed to hoist Chakotay up between them, and Harry picked up Axamiya's small frame. "Torres to _Voyager_," B'Elanna said, tapping her comm badge. "Six to beam directly to sickbay."


	8. Epilogue

When the away team materialized in sickbay, Tom Paris was waiting for them. He helped Harry lay Axamiya on one biobed while B'Elanna and the Captain helped the Doctor hoist Chakotay on another. The Doctor quickly scanned both patients and ordered, "Mr. Paris, 20 milligrams lectrazine," gesturing to Axamiya.

The young First Prelate could wait, but the Doctor knew that he had to focus his attentions immediately on Chakotay. The Captain and Lieutenant Torres were anxiously crowded around his biobed. "Please, Captain, Lieutenant," the Doctor said. "This is a sickbay, not an observatory."

"Inform me of any changes to their conditions, Doctor," the Captain ordered. She nodded to Torres and Kim, and they followed her out of sickbay. B'Elanna cast one last worried glance back at Chakotay. Tom caught her eye and offered her a reassuring smile, which she halfheartedly returned as she exited the room.

...

The Doctor ran his tricorder over the body of the young Cholani man and smiled to himself in satisfaction. Only a few hours after he had been brought to sickbay, he had completely recovered. "Sickbay to bridge," he called over the comm.

"Yes, Doctor?" Captain Janeway's voice responded.

"Our guest is ready to awaken. I didn't know if you would want to be here."

"Thank you, Doctor, I'm on my way."

The Doctor prepared a hypospray to wake the young man, and Captain Janeway strode into sickbay a few moments later. She glanced briefly at Chakotay, still lying on a biobed, and then joined the Doctor at Axamiya's bedside. "He was severely dehydrated," the Doctor explained, "and suffering from oxygen deprivation. Nothing too difficult for my talents to handle."

Janeway smiled bemusedly. "Excellent work, Doctor." The EMH pressed the hypospray to the young man's neck and he slowly opened his eyes.

Axamiya looked around him, confused. There were bright lights, and he was in an unfamiliar room. Had he died? Had the gods taken him somewhere? Then he recognized Captain Janeway's face. "Captain Janeway!" he exclaimed. "Where am I?"

"You're aboard Voyager," she said soothingly. "You and Chakotay were trapped during his healing journey. You were suffering from severe dehydration and oxygen deprivation."

"But why was I brought here? Why did the gods not heal me? How did you find us in the cave?" Axamiya was distraught.

Janeway and the Doctor shared a glance before she replied, "I went to your Temple and spoke with your gods. They told me where to find you and Chakotay. The High Priest gave me permission to bring you here to treat your injuries."

Axamiya's eyes widened. "You spoke with the gods?" he asked softly.

The Captain smiled. "I did. That's how I knew that you and Chakotay were trapped."

The Doctor ran his tricorder over the First Prelate and informed him, "You're fit as a fiddle, First Prelate. You can return to the planet's surface whenever you like."

Axamiya slowly sat up and looked around sickbay, wide-eyed with wonder. Then, he saw the other figure lying on a biobed near him. "What about Chakotay?" he asked.

"His dehydration was far worse than yours, and it appears he hasn't eaten for several days," the Doctor replied. Then, seeing the young man's worried expression, he continued, "He just needs some rest. He's going to be fine."

"Can I talk to him?" the First Prelate asked.

"Not right now. The Commander needs some rest. But he'll be up and about again in no time, and I'm sure he'll be happy to speak with you then."

"Thank you for helping me, Doctor," Axamiya replied.

"All in a day's work," the Doctor quipped. "Just be careful next time you go into the woods alone. Try to avoid cave-ins and rockslides."

Axamiya was about to protest, but then he realized that the Doctor was joking. "I will ask the gods to help me in that endeavor," he replied with a barely concealed smile.

At that moment, Neelix entered sickbay. He bustled over to where Janeway and the First Prelate were sitting. "I just wanted to see how our guest was feeling," he said.

"First Prelate, I don't know if you've met Ambassador Neelix," the Captain said.

"I don't believe so," Axamiya replied, extending his hand in the greeting he had learned from the other members of Voyager's crew; Neelix shook it enthusiastically. "May the gods smile upon you, Ambassador."

"May the gods smile upon you, First Prelate. How are you feeling?"

"I am very grateful for your Doctor's treatment. I know that the gods have smiled upon me today."

"Neelix," said the Captain, "why don't you give our guest a little tour of Voyager and then escort him to the transporter room so he can return to the surface."

"Aye, Captain," Neelix responded enthusiastically. "Come along, First Prelate." As they exited, she heard Neelix's voice fading away as he began, "Our first stop is the mess hall. That's where every member of Voyager's crew comes for their meals, and I cook them all..."

The Captain smiled as she watched them go, then turned her attention back to the Doctor. "All of your scans came back completely normal, Captain," he informed her. "I saw no evidence that you suffered any mental trauma during your experience in the Temple."

"Thank you, Doctor. What about Chakotay?"

They moved towards the occupied biobed. "He's going to recover just fine," the Doctor said as he began scanning the Commander. "I don't see any evidence of any permanent damage, either physically or mentally."

"What about the sensory tremens?" she asked.

"I still need to run a few more tests before I can answer that," the Doctor replied.

"Thank you, Doctor. Can you wake him? I promise I won't keep him long."

"Very well," the Doctor replied reluctantly. He had just declined Axamiya's request to speak to Chakotay, but he supposed that he could allow the Captain to have a few words with her first officer. He was out of danger, after all. He pressed a hypospray to the Commander's neck, and watched as Chakotay's eyes slowly opened.

Chakotay opened his eyes and slowly realized that the lights shining down on him were the lights of sickbay. He felt a hand resting on his chest and as his surroundings came into focus he saw the concerned face of Kathryn Janeway looking down at him. "Welcome back," she said softly.

"Kathryn," he managed. "How did you find me?"

"It's a long story. I'll tell you when you're feeling better."

"How long was I... gone?" he asked, fighting the tiredness that threatened to overwhelm him.

"About a week. How do you feel?"

"Exhausted."

She nodded. "There was an earthquake while you were on your healing journey. The cave you were in was blocked. You had no oxygen for several hours."

"Axamiya?" he asked, concerned.

"He's fine. He just left sickbay with Neelix to get a tour of Voyager. He wanted to speak with you, but the Doctor told him you needed rest."

"Which he does, Captain," the Doctor interjected from a few feet away where he was monitoring the Commander's life signs.

The Captain gave the EMH a warning look, as if to say just a few more minutes, and then turned her attention back to Chakotay. She moved the hand from his chest to caress his cheek. Then he felt her press something into his hand. He felt the metal shape in his palm; it was warm from being held in her hand. "I've been keeping this for you," she said softly.

Chakotay realized that it was his communicator and he smiled weakly. "Thank you."

"Visiting hours are over," the Doctor interrupted them. "The Commander needs to rest."

"All right, Doctor," said the Captain, giving Chakotay one last pat on the chest. "Get some rest," she said to him as she turned to leave.

The Doctor nodded in approval as he watched the Captain turn and exit sickbay, and Chakotay slowly closed his eyes and fell back asleep. He returned to his scans of the Commander, and a few minutes later, he looked puzzled. He ran the scan again, and then a third time just to make sure. Looking carefully at his tricorder, he wondered how this was possible.

...

In her ready room, Captain Janeway sat on the couch, drinking coffee and looking out the window at the blackness of space. She was unsure what to make of her experiences in the Cholani Temple. She had had a mission to complete, and as long as her goal had been clear, she hadn't had to contemplate her encounter with the Cholani 'gods.' She wished she could stay for a while; to take some time to investigate the beings she had encountered in the Temple. They clearly were beings of some kind, and they clearly possessed some sort of higher intelligence. They obviously had telepathic abilities. They had exhibited extraordinary insight into her character and her life after only spending a few moments with her. And how had they known about the rock slide at the cave? How had they been able to show her the path? The doorbell chimed. "Come in," she said.

Tuvok entered. "You asked to see me, Captain."

She patted the seat beside her on the sofa. "Please, join me."

He did as she asked. "How is Commander Chakotay?"

"He's going to recover. But I didn't ask to see you about that. I want you to see if you can modify the sensors to detect some other kind of life on the planet - a life form that we have been unable to detect. It may have a specific location on the planet's surface or even in orbit around the planet."

"Captain?" Tuvok queried.

"It's just my own curiosity, Tuvok." She paused, and looked up at her friend. "I did experience something down there. I did encounter someone. I want to know if our sensors can detect them."

"I will endeavor to detect the life forms," Tuvok said. "Will we be remaining in orbit until we have done so?"

"No. If we haven't found anything within twenty-four hours, we'll move on. It's a scientific puzzle that I'd like to solve, but we don't have the time or the resources to stay here and focus on it."

"Very well, Captain."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. You're dismissed." Tuvok stood and left the ready room, leaving the Captain again alone with her thoughts.

...

Chakotay slowly awoke, realizing that he was back in _Voyager_'s sickbay. He had a vague memory of a conversation with Kathryn and felt something metal in his hand. He realized that he was still holding his comm badge, so his conversation with her must have been real. The Doctor approached him. "Commander, you're awake."

"Unless I'm dreaming," Chakotay replied. He wasn't quite sure how to tell what was real anymore.

"I don't think so, Commander," the Doctor replied, running a medical tricorder over him. "You seem fully conscious to me. How do you feel?"

"I feel fine, Doctor," Chakotay replied, slowly bringing himself to a seated position.

"That's good, Commander. You are fine. In fact, you're better than fine."

"Doctor?"

"The gene which causes sensory tremens is no longer part of your genetic makeup. In fact, I can't find any evidence that it ever was."

Chakotay was shocked by this news. He had no idea what to say. He had been fully prepared to be told it was a condition that he would just have to live with. In a strange way, he had accepted it as part of who he was. He no longer feared that it would control his life. He had been prepared to live with his condition... and now he was being told that he didn't have a condition any longer. "Are you sure, Doctor?"

"I've run the scan three times. I'm as sure as I can be." The Doctor paused as he observed the Commander's reaction to the news. "Commander, I thought you'd be pleased."

Chakotay looked at him, the news slowly sinking in. "I am, Doctor. Thank you. It's just... not what I expected."

...

The chime on Chakotay's quarters rang. The Doctor had pumped him full of electrolytes, ordered him to eat a good meal and released him from sickbay. He sat in his quarters, reading reports, catching up on all that he had missed during his six day absence. "Come in," he said, welcoming the distraction.

B'Elanna Torres entered, and, seeing him hard at work, she smiled. "I just wanted to stop by to see how you were doing," she said.

"I'm fine," he replied. "In fact, better than fine. The faulty gene is completely eliminated from my genetic makeup. The Doctor says he can't even find evidence that it ever existed."

"Chakotay, that's great!"

He sat back in his chair and said quietly, "I know."

She moved towards him. "You don't sound so sure."

"It's not that, B'Elanna. It is great. I guess it's just taking me a while to process what happened to me."

"What did happen?" she asked.

He put down the PADD he'd been holding. "It's hard to explain. I guess I was experiencing some sort of hallucinations. The doctor said he found evidence that I had ingested some sort of psychotropic plant. But it felt absolutely real. I felt like I was living entire lives."

"Sounds creepy," she responded.

He laughed. "I guess it was, a little." He looked up at her. "But I'm glad to be back."

Torres nodded. "Well, I just wanted to make sure you were feeling all right. I'll let you get back to work." She turned to go.

"B'Elanna," Chakotay called after her. She stopped and turned to face him. "Thanks for coming by."

She smiled and he went back to his reports, finding it a little easier to concentrate this time. But it wasn't long before he was interrupted again. "Janeway to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

"I hear the Doctor's given you a clean bill of health."

"Yes, ma'am." He smiled at the levity in her tone.

"We're planning to leave orbit in a few hours, and I want to make one last trip down to the planet. The High Priest offered to show me their gardens. I was wondering if you'd like to join me."

"I'd love to, Captain."

"Good. Meet me in transporter room two at 1300 hours."

"I'll be there." He smiled and put the reports down. He could finish them later.

...

High Priest Oxanayul sat in the courtyard in front of the Temple, contemplating his experiences over the past few days. For the Cholani to get visitors was rare. For those visitors to want to engage in healing journeys and enter the Temple to speak to the gods was unheard of. He still didn't understand his own experience with the gods in the forest. They had established such staunch rules about the use of technology in the Sacred Forest. Why had they chosen this moment to abandon those principles?

Axamiya emerged from around the corner, coming from the High Priest's abode. "I brought the item you requested, High Priest," the First Prelate said, handing him a small object.

"Thank you, my child," the Priest replied. He studied the youth. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel blessed by the gods," Axamiya replied, with the appropriate bow. He turned, about to return to the Temple.

"Wait, my son," Oxanayul stopped him. "Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay are beaming down any moment. I imagine you will wish to say goodbye to them."

Axamiya smiled eagerly. "Yes, thank you, High Priest."

At that moment, Janeway and Chakotay materialized in front of them. Axamiya had gotten so used to seeing Chakotay in civilian clothes that it seemed strange to see him in uniform.

"High Priest, First Prelate," the Captain greeted them. "May the gods smile upon you."

"And upon you, Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay," Oxanayul replied. He then turned to the young man beside him and nodded, giving him permission to approach the two officers and speak.

Axamiya approached them. "Captain Janeway," he said, "thank you for saving my life."

She smiled. "Shouldn't you thank your gods for that?"

"Of course," Axamiya stammered, "but... but..."

"You should realize what an exception Captain Janeway has made for you, Axamiya," said Chakotay, stepping in. "She's not usually the type to give the gods credit for anything." Chakotay gave Janeway an affectionately mocking glance.

The Captain shrugged in response. "It's true," she admitted.

The First Prelate was not sure he had completely understood the exchange, but he let it go and turned his attention to Chakotay, a man whom he had come to consider a friend. "How are you feeling, Chakotay?"

"I feel wonderful. Thank you for serving as my kochaba."

Axamiya hung his head. "I couldn't even get us out of the cave. All my prayers, and nothing I did made any difference."

Chakotay stepped closer to the young man and put his hand on his shoulder. "You don't know that. Perhaps it was your prayers that convinced the gods to speak with Captain Janeway."

At this encouragement, Axamiya's face brightened. "I will miss you, Chakotay," he said.

"I will miss you, too, Axamiya. I know that you'll make an excellent High Priest someday." The two men embraced before the First Prelate took his leave and returned to the Temple. Chakotay looked after him, and then turned to the High Priest and said, "He's a fine young man."

Oxanayul nodded. "I know. He's the closest thing I'll ever have to a son." Then he gestured to Janeway and Chakotay to follow him. "Allow me to escort you to our gardens." They followed the High Priest to a part of the grounds they had not yet visited.

"High Priest, how did Voyager know where to find us in the forest?" the Captain asked.

Oxanayul shrugged. "No one can explain the workings of the gods," he said. "I didn't understand it at all at the time, but now I think I'm beginning to."

"How so?" asked Chakotay.

"Commander Chakotay, you said that Captain Janeway made a great exception by choosing to seek our faith. I believe that the gods wished to reward her with an equally great exception of their own."

"They permitted the use of technology in the Sacred Forest," Janeway realized.

"As I said, I cannot explain the workings of the gods, but I believe that is one explanation." They had reached a large garden, enclosed on all sides by a tall, wrought iron fence. The garden was filled with exotic trees and flowers of every color. Oxanayul gestured towards the garden. "This is where I take my leave of you," he said, "but please, feel free to enjoy the gardens for as long as you would like." He bowed to the Commander and the Captain. "May the gods smile upon you and your crew," he said.

Chakotay bowed and replied, "I know that you will say it was the gods that helped me, High Priest, but thank you. May the gods smile upon you." The Captain echoed the sentiment and Oxanayul turned and left them alone.

Chakotay offered the Captain his arm, and she took it easily. "The Doctor told me the good news about your condition," she said.

"Yes," Chakotay replied. He was getting used to it now. "It's a miracle."

"You never have to be afraid of that again."

"The funny thing was, I already had stopped being afraid of it before the Doctor told me the gene had vanished. I thought that was the point of the healing journey; for me to embrace that part of who I was; to stop being afraid of it." He paused for a moment, stopping their consistent pace. She turned and looked at him, her hand still resting on his arm. He placed his other hand on her other arm. "Kathryn, I know it must not have been easy for you," he said.

"The hardest part is trying to explain to the crew how I knew what to do," she joked.

Chakotay gripped her arms firmly. "No," he said. "I know it must have been difficult, and I want to thank you for coming after me."

"I'd do the same thing for any member of my crew," Janeway replied, trying to brush off the moment.

"A simple 'you're welcome,' would do," Chakotay pointed out.

She blushed. "You're welcome." They stopped and admired a tree with deep purple leaves. It looked like nothing either of them had ever seen before. "Tell me about the healing journey."

"Tell me about talking to the gods," he countered with a grin.

She squeezed his arm and smiled. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours," she replied, enjoying the banter.

"All right," he said, as they continued to walk through the gardens. "You first."

"I'm not sure I really know how to describe it, Chakotay. In the moment, everything about it felt absolutely real. I was walking through fire and my skin was being burned, but then when I looked down at my arms, there were no burns." They reached the end of the pathway, and in front of them was a small lake, surrounded by trees and colorful flowers. Chakotay led Kathryn to a bench next to the lake, and they sat next to each other, looking out at the water.

"What else?" he asked.

"I was in a room, and I heard voices all around me. I couldn't tell if they were in my head or from some other being. There was no one else in the room that I could see. Sometimes it seemed to be one voice, sometimes many. They showed me where you were, what had happened, how to get there."

Chakotay was astonished to hear Kathryn speaking so openly about a deep, spiritual experience. "How do you explain it?" he asked softly.

She shook her head. "I can't. I asked Tuvok to modify the sensors to search for other life forms on or around the planet. So far he hasn't had any luck."

Chakotay chuckled. "Leave it to Kathryn Janeway to look for scientific proof of someone's gods."

She looked at him with chagrin. "I wouldn't be Kathryn Janeway if I didn't." She paused, standing and walking towards the water, kicking off her shoes to feel the sand between her toes. "There was no proof, though. Nothing at all, at least not that we've been able to find. But I did have a conversation with someone. I know it was real." Her voice had grown quiet, pensive, and she knelt down to touch the water.

Seeing Kathryn next to the water like that, Chakotay was reminded of his vision of New Earth, of their trip down the river. When she turned back to look at him, his face flushed with embarrassment. "What is it, Chakotay?"

He averted his eyes and mumbled, "Nothing. It's nothing."

She stood and made her way back to the bench, leaving her shoes on the ground. He extended his hand to her, to guide her back to her seat, but when she sat, he did not let go. Her fingers were cool and damp from the lake water, and he relished the feeling of her small hand in his larger one. "Your turn," she said softly.

Chakotay looked out at the water. He wasn't sure how to tell her about what he had experienced. He didn't want to reveal the visions he'd had of New Earth, or the future in which she had been his wife. These were things he didn't even allow himself to think about consciously. Kathryn squeezed his hand and he looked back at her. "I had three different visions, each of a different lifetime. Like yours, they seemed completely real at the time.

In one, I was dominated by anger and hatred. In another, by love and contentment. And in the third, I was just like my grandfather, going crazy, explaining to my own grandson that the pain must be honored." He paused, looking out at the lake again. The sun was beginning to set, turning the sky various shades of blue, pink and purple. "That was why I was so surprised when the Doctor told me the gene was gone. I was sure that the purpose of the healing journey was to get me to accept who I am, even if that includes things like sensory tremens."

Kathryn spoke slowly. "Maybe, when it comes to faith, that's the point. We don't really know what the purpose is."

"Maybe," said Chakotay, letting go of Kathryn's hand and slipping his arm around her shoulders, "the purpose is the journey."

Kathryn looked up at him, and, slowly, an enigmatic smile spread over her face. Before Chakotay could comment, she turned away from him, nestling herself in the crook of his arm. And that was where they remained for several hours, listening to the gentle lap of the water on the shore, watching the sun set over Cholani and basking, for a brief moment, in their faith in each other and their knowledge that, as long as they had that faith, the real fight was one they could always win.


End file.
